"American Beauty"

My former wife and I watched "American Beauty" when it came out on video around 2000. It's primarily about a guy struggling with mid-life issues, and meaning. I think my ex hated it as much as I liked it.

The main character was Lester Burnham, a middle-aged husband/dad/employee. Here are some of his quotes.

"Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic loser and they're right, I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn't always feel this... sedated."

"I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up."

"This isn't life, it's just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living. Well, honey, that's just nuts. But you know what? It's never too late to get it back."

"Janie's a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her."

"I always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."

Ricky Fitts is Lester's neighbor, a misunderstood gay teenage son of a macho military father. Here are some of his quotes.

"Don't be afraid. I'm not obsessing. I'm just curious."

"She's not your friend. She's just someone you use to feel better about yourself."

"It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in."

Ricky Fitts: It's like God's looking right at you, just for a second, and if you're careful you can look right back.
Jane Burnham: And what do you see?
Ricky Fitts: Beauty.

Ricky Fitts: I was filming this dead bird.
Angela Hayes: Why?
Ricky Fitts: Because it's beautiful.

What do you have?

Acts 3:1-6

Peter and John went to the Temple one afternoon to take part in the three o'clock prayer service. As they approached the Temple, a man lame from birth was being carried in. Each day he was put beside the Temple gate, the one called the Beautiful Gate, so he could beg from the people going into the Temple. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for some money.
Peter and John looked at him intently, and Peter said, "Look at us!" The lame man looked at them eagerly, expecting a gift. But Peter said, "I don't have any money for you. But I'll give you what I have. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, get up and walk!" (NLT)

Thoughts...

• People with needs will often ask you for something.
• They usually ask you for what they think you have, that they think they need.
• Sometimes you don't have what they are asking for.
• Sometimes you have what they really need, but they don't ask you for it.
• Don't be embarrassed about what you don't have. Give them what you do have.
• Sometimes you need to give people what they really need, not what they ask for.

What kind of taker are you?

A risk taker? "One who trusts God for big or unusual things"
A caretaker? "One who loosk after the goods, property, or persons of others"
An undertaker? "One who prepares the dead for burial"

The dreaded...

When I am dreading a particular event or task or confrontation or whatever... I usually find that:

1. It isn't as easy as I wish it were.
2. It isn't as bad as I feared it was.

When do we do good?

Proverbs 3:27 Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it's in your power to help them.

Although we could debate whether we are supposed to do good to all (whether they deserve it or not), wouldn't my life be a lot simpler if I followed the advice in this verse?

Too often I "do good" to those who don't deserve it (i.e., freeloaders), and when I really don't have the means to help them anyway (time, money, talent, etc.). That has caused me an unknown amount of grief, and has kept me from really helping others.

some of my favorite scriptures

"I tell you the truth," Jesus answered, "before Abraham was born, I am!" (John 8:58, NIV)

From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. "You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life." (John 6:66-68, NIV)

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. (2 Timothy 2:15, NIV)

For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. (John 1:17, NIV)

When Jesus heard this, he told them, "Healthy people don't need a doctor--sick people do. I have come to call sinners, not those who think they are already good enough." (Mark 2:17, NLT)

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. (Mark 10:45, NIV)

But if I say, "I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot. (Jeremiah 20:9, NIV)

Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. They asked each other, "Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?" (Luke 24:31-32, NIV)

My mission statement

My Life Pupose, Why I exist, Why God made me

• To know God personally and intimately, like Abraham, Moses, David
• To enjoy God
• To make God known to others
• To pursue truth with passion and abandon: truth about God, the world, people, the Bible, science and the cosmos, etc.
• To be a catalyst for people and organizations to discover and address their core issues in such a way that they either take giant steps foward, or change course dramatically, becoming more what God meant them to be and do
• To appreciate beauty in nature, art, music, people, etc.
• To worship God through singing and playing instruments
• To explore ruthlessly, especially uncharted territory, advancing the frontiers of knowledge
• To be a rugged individualist, not being content to follow the crowd
• To unashamedly ask the tough questions, not to increase doubt, but to increase understanding
• To be a prophetic voice to individuals and organizations, speaking truth and wisdom into them, and sometimes specifically communicating to them what I believe God wants me to say to them.
• To increasingly imitate the kind of life Jesus lived on earth.
• To be a transparent model of growth for others

What God sees in me

• An intelligent, caring, sensitive, courageous, and intuitive Christian man who has unique insight into reality, both seen and unseen, particularly related to understanding people, God, the world, and spiritual realities in general.
• A man with a profound ability to communicate this reality with clarity and conviction, using a variety of means, methods, and media, in such a way that it has life-changing impact on people and institutions and cultures.

Vision

• Seeing people, families, organizations, cultures, and nations know God better, and being and doing what God created them to specifically be and do. (Otherwise put, helping them grow, and get in line with God's will for them.)

Mission

• under construction

What I must do to get there

• Above all, keep my relationship with God sharp and in focus through deep and regular communication
• Learn constantly
• Write and produce constantly
• Situate myself in places, positions, and situations where I can serve as a catalyst of growth for people and organizations
• Have a solid support system for encouragement, correction, support, accountability, protection, advice, know-how
• Have a mentor

Challenges

• Personal issues: Pride, gluttony, lust, fear, impulsivity, boundaries
• Money: Negative cash flow
• Non-compete issues at work
• Business: Very few natural skills in business and financial issues
• No mentor
• An ok support system, but not strong enough
• Organizationally challenged: Hard for me to keep track of time, tasks, things, information, priorities
• Time: 2 jobs and 3 kids
• Impulsivity: Can get fascinated by and absorbed in so many things that come across my path

Links to TV shows I like

• 30 Days

• Trading Spouses

• The Simpsons

• The Office

• King of the Hill

• My Name is Earl

Comedienne Wendy Liebman

• People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them... Well, it's killing me!
• My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
• I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
• My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.
• Is there a doctor in the house? My parents want me to marry you.

Comedian Steven Wright

• Four years ago... No, it was yesterday.
• Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
• My girlfriend's so intense... She woke me up the other night and asked, "If you could tell exactly when and how you were going to die, would you want to know?" I said, "Heck no, why?" "Doesn't matter, just go back back to sleep..."
• When I was eight, I played Little League. I was on first; I stole third; I went straight across. Earlier that week, I learned that the shortest distance between two points was a straight line. I took advantage of that knowledge.
• I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."
• I have a decaffeinated coffee table. You'd never know it to look at it.
• One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read."
• I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.
• Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
• If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
• If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
• What do batteries run on?
• After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
• It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
• The other day, I was walking my dog around my building--on the ledge...
• Some people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.
• I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night
• I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
• The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get to work.
• I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
• When I was little my grandfather asked me how old I was. I said, "Five." He said, "When I was your age, I was six."
• I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.
• Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
• When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
• I like to pick up hitchhikers. When they get in the car I say, "Put on your seat belt. I want to try something."
• Is my car the only one in America where someone breaks in and turns up my radio every time I park?
• If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
• What's another word for Thesaurus?
• When I was 10, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
• I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."
• I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
• If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
• I took a baby shower.
• I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one... It wasn't doing what I was doing.
• I tried to draw my shadow once, but I couldn't... My arm kept moving.
• I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else's property.
• I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, "Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile." I spent last summer folding it.
• Sometimes I... No, I don't.
• I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
• I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only 2" taller.
• When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"
• My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
• I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.
• I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.
• Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... When I came back the entire area was missing.
• When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
• I bought this thing for my car. You put it on your car, it sends out this little noise, so when you drive through the woods, deer won't run in front of your car. I installed it backwards by accident.
• I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call you back when I'm out."
• For a while I didn't have a car... I had a helicopter... No place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running...
• I locked my keys in the car the other day. But it was alright, I was still inside.
• I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
• Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it... It feels real."
• I installed a skylight in my apartment.... The people who live above me are furious!
• I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.
• I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
• I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased all of the records.
• Last week I bought a new phone. I took it out of the box, hooked it up to the wall... Pressed redial. The phone had a nervous breakdown.
• I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap Department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
• I don't have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once.
• I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane.
• I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now.
• My neighbor has a circular driveway... He can't get out.
• I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
• I saw a sign at a gas station. It said "Help Wanted." There was another sign below it that said "Self Service." So I hired myself.
• I own the erasers for all the miniature golf pencils.
• Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... It pisses me off!
• When I was a kid, I remember seeing Smokey the Bear on TV saying, "Only you can prevent forest fires." I thought "Who? Me?" So I'd sneak out of the house in the middle of the night with a bucket of water -- "Gotta go to work."
• I invented the cordless extension cord.
• How young can you die of old age?
• I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
• My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York.
• I like to reminisce with people I don't know. Granted, it takes longer.
• I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
• Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" And I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."
• In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
• I can levitate birds. No one cares.
• I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate has an expiration date.
• Whenever I think about the past, it just brings back so many memories.
• I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"
• Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
• I filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify ________". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my MOTHER going to do?
• It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.
• You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
• It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
• There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.
• Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.
• I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
• My grandma says she has eyes in the back of her head... I hope it's not hereditary.
• When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... Eventually.
• I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.
• Today I... No, that wasn't me.
• I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
• I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
• The last week in August, we went camping way up in Canada. We were laying around in the woods and stuff, and I don't know how she did it but she got poison ivy on her brain and the only way she can scratch it is if she thinks about sandpaper.

My imitations

• The other day I was taking a shower, but I put it back.

A piece of presidential trivia

I was perusing a web site that tells somewhat odd details about each president, next to a photo of a plastic minaturette of each one.

Just by happenstance I noticed that 3 of the first 5 presidents died on the 4th of July. Weird.

JOHN ADAMS, d. July 4, 1826 at 90.
JEFFERSON, d. July 4, 1826 (Charlottesville, VA) at 83.
MONROE, d. July 4, 1831 (New York, NY) at 73.

What kind of oil was that again?

My daughter, Olivia, was using the sermon outline today at church, filling in the blanks provided.

Upon coming to this one... "Christian community is like ________ ____" she dutifully filled in, "annoying oil."

Kids say the darndest things.

Overappreciated...

Things that get more attention or popularity or praise or criticism than I understand.

Michael Jackson
The Beatles
U2
Elvis
Bob Dylan
"The Purpose-driven _________ "
American Idol
Survivor
SUV's
Sports
Tyra Banks
Britney Spears
gas prices
The DaVinci code

Overheard...

Things I've heard with my own ears...

• I was at a star-gazing party at church and we were all exclaiming how awesome the rings around Saturn looked. Someone innocently asked, "Are there rings around Uranus?"
• A guy was telling me about the trigger-happy legal system here in Florida. "There's a saying here... 'Come on vacation, leave on probation!'"
• There was incense in my family. (I know... it's a sad subject, but I had to write it down! Forgive me.)
• He was lifting weights and they fell on him and killed him to death.
• I can get to work and back on a gallon of gas... So right off the bat I'm two-fifty in the hole!
• It completely turned my life around... 360 degrees!
• I'm feeding him hand and foot
• My Father's getting "old-heimers."
• My fiancée is 8 months pregnant. She led me to Christ 9 months ago.
• Ever since I’ve been a Christian I’ve been in psychiatric hospitals.
• We've had sex almost every day this month. The quality's not that good... just quickies.
• I went to see a prostitute. There really wasn't a relationship with the lady.
• I’m a leader in the Celebrate Recovery program at our church. I think I may have a problem with intimacy because I was going along pretty good with my girlfriend, and then I suddenly stopped having sex with her!
• It seems that my daughter keeps getting pregnant… unless she or her husband is in jail.
• I know that Jesus said that to lust after a woman equals adultery. But what about just "checkin’ them out?”
• A woman wanted advice. Her husband had had several affairs with a particular woman. She wanted to know if it was OK for her to tell him not to see that particular woman in social situations any more. When I said, “Of course,” she added, “Well, the problem is... it’s his first cousin!”
• A guy told me he used to go to AA and really enjoyed it. “It was kinda like a church meeting… without a whole lotta religion."
• One man caught in legal trouble told me that he prayed that God would not let his exhibitionism charge become public. "I didn't want to be exposed," he said.
• A woman told me that her husband thinks he is going to “just go out there and get a job for $9 or $10 dollars an hour. I keep telling him, You have to start at the bottom!”
• I try really hard not to have sex, but sometimes when I'm with a woman it just pops up!
• That's easy to say, but not hard to do.
• I have a monkey on my neck.

Working from Home

Top 10 disadvantages of working from home

1. Nobody brings in cookies.
2. It’s harder to gossip.
3. You actually feel lonely when there aren’t many smiley faces lit up on your Yahoo Instant Messenger friend's list.
4. You walk outside and strangers welcome you to the neighborhood.
5. You can’t bring home office supplies.
6. The Christmas office party just isn’t the same.
7. Trying to explain to your parents that you really do have a job.
8. You have to make your own coffee.
9. Your spouse just doesn’t understand why showers have become less of a priority in your daily routine.
10. No days off for inclement weather.
    

Top 10 advantages of working at home

1. You can bring your kids to work whenever you want
2. You don’t have to try and look like you’re working when you’re surfing the internet.
3. Clothes shopping once a year!
4. You don’t have to pack a lunch, or buy one.
5. No fighting over the office thermostat.
6. Clothing optional.
7. You don’t have to watch the lame weather and traffic guys on TV.
8. You don’t have to worry about your SUV’s gas mileage.
9. The look on people’s face when you answer the door in your pajamas at 3 in the afternoon.
10. All the money you save on hot water.