Overheard...

Things I've heard with my own ears...

• I was at a star-gazing party at church and we were all exclaiming how awesome the rings around Saturn looked. Someone innocently asked, "Are there rings around Uranus?"
• A guy was telling me about the trigger-happy legal system here in Florida. "There's a saying here... 'Come on vacation, leave on probation!'"
• There was incense in my family. (I know... it's a sad subject, but I had to write it down! Forgive me.)
• He was lifting weights and they fell on him and killed him to death.
• I can get to work and back on a gallon of gas... So right off the bat I'm two-fifty in the hole!
• It completely turned my life around... 360 degrees!
• I'm feeding him hand and foot
• My Father's getting "old-heimers."
• My fiancée is 8 months pregnant. She led me to Christ 9 months ago.
• Ever since I’ve been a Christian I’ve been in psychiatric hospitals.
• We've had sex almost every day this month. The quality's not that good... just quickies.
• I went to see a prostitute. There really wasn't a relationship with the lady.
• I’m a leader in the Celebrate Recovery program at our church. I think I may have a problem with intimacy because I was going along pretty good with my girlfriend, and then I suddenly stopped having sex with her!
• It seems that my daughter keeps getting pregnant… unless she or her husband is in jail.
• I know that Jesus said that to lust after a woman equals adultery. But what about just "checkin’ them out?”
• A woman wanted advice. Her husband had had several affairs with a particular woman. She wanted to know if it was OK for her to tell him not to see that particular woman in social situations any more. When I said, “Of course,” she added, “Well, the problem is... it’s his first cousin!”
• A guy told me he used to go to AA and really enjoyed it. “It was kinda like a church meeting… without a whole lotta religion."
• One man caught in legal trouble told me that he prayed that God would not let his exhibitionism charge become public. "I didn't want to be exposed," he said.
• A woman told me that her husband thinks he is going to “just go out there and get a job for $9 or $10 dollars an hour. I keep telling him, You have to start at the bottom!”
• I try really hard not to have sex, but sometimes when I'm with a woman it just pops up!
• That's easy to say, but not hard to do.
• I have a monkey on my neck.