Dear "Abby"

A friend recently emailed me...

what is your take on using the scripture, "god will give you the desires of your heart" in regards to singleness? I have a single friend wrestling with that.

Here is my response...

Oh geez... whenever you ask me to interpret scripture you're probably going to get more than you bargained for... lol.

• This is a psalm of David... David made up lots of songs expressing his thoughts and feelings. I believe they were preserved for a reason. However, does that mean every thing he said in every psalm is true for every person in every circumstance?
• Rick Warren says that this means that God will put the desires in your heart that he wants there. Although when we delight ourselves in the Lord our desires do become more like his, I don’t think that is what this verse is referring to. It’s an interesting interpretation, but it goes against the plain and obvious meaning, with no warrant to do so. (That’s ok. Rick’s use of Scripture is often sloppy.)
• Experience shows that many people who love the Lord fully do not have all their desires met (in this world). Life is full of hurts and disappointments. Time to grow up and face reality. What are the desires of our heart, really? A new house? A promotion? To get pregnant? To find a husband to make us happy? Or do we desire peace, contentment, security, serenity, strength, courage, wisdom, acceptance, etc. In other words, God may be more interested in giving you what your heart really wants, not just the quick fix you have in mind.
• Most likely a single person who is wrestling with this verse is desperate to get married, or discouraged because she hasn’t had a successful dating life, or because of her insecurities she wants God to “give” her a husband without her needing to do the normal things necessary to go out there and find one! She may be the type of person that has the passive approach and would like to believe that if she just stays home every night and reads her Bible and prays, one day there will be a knock on the door and standing there will be prince charming. (He may be in a UPS uniform, however.)
• It’s also possible that she may be suffering with the syndrome of, “If I really give myself to God then he is going to require me to be single and I don’t know if I can deal with that.” (Similar to, “He’ll make me go to Africa.”) This comes from a faulty view of God, thinking that he longs to ask us to do things that we have no interest or desire or giftedness for. So we end up fearing some imaginary requirement that we couldn’t possible imagine performing. Be assured of this... God will never require anything more of you today than he will give you the grace to deal with for today.
• End of story. Have her read, How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Henry Cloud.

Doug