boss's day

in honor of boss's day here are some cool quotes from bosses. enjoy.





Mr. Burns from "The Simpsons"

• What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?
• Smithers, for attempting to kill me, I'm giving you a five percent pay cut!
• This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.
• This is America! Justice should favor the rich!
• Hum...a dollar for eternal happiness... I'd be happier with the dollar
• You're not as stupid as you look, or sound, or our best testing indicates
• As punishment for your desertion, it's company policy to give you the plague.
• Oh, hello mother. Sorry for pulling the plug on you like that. Who knew you'd pull through....and live on for 5 decades?
• I'll keep it short and sweet. Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
• Smithers, get me some strike breakers. The kind they had in the 30s.
• Now leave. And I suggest you don't dawdle. The hounds will be released in 10 minutes.
• You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate. And revulcanize my tires, post haste!
• Oh, yes, sitting---the great leveler. From the mighiest pharoh to the lowliest peasant, who doesn't enjoy a good sit?
• Smithers… we have to stop dumping our nuclear waste in the playground, all those bald children are starting to raise suspicion.

Michael Scott from "The Office"

• This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.
• No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don't tell them.
• I'm friends with everybody in this office. We're all best friends. I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments, and that is when it's nice to let them know that you could beat them up.
• Yeah I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?
• A lot of the people here don't get trophies very often, like Meridith or Kevin. I mean who's gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts?
• Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.
• Reverse psychology is an awesome tool, I don't know if you guys know about it, but basically you can make someone think the opposite of what you believe, and that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.
• Christmas is awesome. First of all you got to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no-one can say anything. Third you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time.
• That is a perfectly good mini Christmas tree. We are going to sell that to charity because that is what Christmas is all about.
• Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney.
• Dwight gave a great speech. That’s the word on the street, anyway. And I entertained Dwight to no end with my bar story, so I captivated the guy who captivated a thousand guys. Can you believe that? A thousand guys.
• When people hear the term 'big brother' they immediately think it's bad or scary. I don't. I think, 'Wow, I love my big brother.'
• There's always a distance between a boss and the employees, its just nature's rule. It's intimidation mostly. It's the awareness that they are not me.
• Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.
• Apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real-world community that would be chaos.
• Why can’t boys play with dolls? Why does society force us to use urinals when sitting down is far more comfortable?
• What is more important than quality? Equality.
• Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton…mostly at work…
• Today is spring cleaning day here at Dunder Mifflin and -- yes, I know it’s January, I am not an idiot -- but if you do your spring cleaning in January, guess what you don’t have to do in spring? Anything…
• The rules of “shotgun” are very simple and very clear. The first person to shout “shotgun” when you’re within sight of the car gets the front seat. That’s how the game’s played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion.
• Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say “Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth”.
• I don’t understand…you want to see other people? Oh...only other people…
• I told Dwight that there is honor in losing. Which, as we all know, is completely ridiculous. But there is however honor in making a loser feel better, which is what I just did for Dwight. Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
• It’s not a popularity contest. Although it does make sense to fire the least popular because it has the least effect on morale.
• I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.
• I think in order to be a ladies’ man, it’s imperative that people don’t know you’re a ladies’ man. So I kind of play that close to the chest. I don’t know, what can I say? Women are attracted to power. And I think…other people have told me I have a very symmetrical face.

Donald Trump

• A little more moderation would be good. Of course, my life hasn't exactly been one of moderation.
• I have made the tough decisions, always with an eye toward the bottom line. Perhaps it's time America was run like a business.
• Anyone who thinks my story is anywhere near over is sadly mistaken.
• Watch, listen, and learn. You can't know it all yourself.. anyone who thinks they do is destined for mediocrity.
• I've always told people that to be successful you have to enjoy what you're doing and right now I really enjoy what I'm doing. I'm having too much fun with my life. Why would I want to do something else? Why would I want to run for governor?
• When I started out in business, I spent a great deal of time researching every detail that might be pertinent to the deal I was interested in making. I still do the same today. People often comment on how quickly I operate, but the reason I can move quickly is that I’ve done the background work first, which no one usually sees. I prepare myself thoroughly, and then when it is time to move ahead, I am ready to sprint.

Dr. E.L. Kersten

A few video lessons on employee motivation by an executive at despair.com. http://www.despair.com/spin.html

dilbert's "pointy-haired" boss

• Our turnover rate is very low. We only hire people who aren't skilled enough to work anyplace else.
• Alice, you'd get more accomplished if you were less of a perfectionist. I've asked Wally to work with you - to teach you how to be less perfect.
• I'm putting you in charge of our 'ISO 9000' Certification. We don't know what it is, but it looks great on our brochures.
• We're not giving any raises. But we think work is its own reward. Expect to be rewarded about twice as much next year.
• Happy combined birthdays. Today we honor the employees who had birthdays within the past year. That's Dilbert ... Alice ... Asok ... Did I miss anyone?
• Alice, your performance exceeded all expectations this year. But I'm not giving you the top rating because I want you to have something to shoot for. It's always good to have something to shoot for.
• Do you mind if I pretend to like you? I hear it increases productivity.
• And remember, money is no object... unless you intend to spend it.

Lou Grant (Mary Tyler Moore show)

• Mary, I don't want you to take this wrong, but you're a jerk.

Bill Lumbergh (Office Space)

• Milt, we're gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B. We have some new people coming in, and we need all the space we can get. So if you could just go ahead and pack up your stuff and move it down there, that would be terrific, OK?
• Ahh, I'm going to have to go ahead and ask you to come in on Sunday, too...
• Hear him speak on your computer

J. Peterman (Seinfeld)

• Oh, Elaine, this dry air is curing me like a Black Forest ham.
• Oh, I'll be inaugrating them this weekend, with none other than Ethel Kennedy. A woman whose triumph in the face of tragedy is exceeded only by her proclivity to procreate.
• It was the Peace Corps that gave me my start in this business. (nostalgic) Clothing the naked natives of Bantu Besh.
• Then in the distance I heard the bulls. I began running as fast as I could. Fortunately I was wearing my Italian Captoe Oxfords. Sophisticated yet different; nothing to make a huge fuss about. Rich dark brown calfskin leather. Matching leather vent. Men's whole and half sizes 7 through 13. Price $135.00.