carve your own pumpkin online

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my favorite dilberts #5

I hate that!

when i need to get my cell phone voice mail during the day i try to save money by calling from a regular phone instead of using my cell phone (which would use minutes).

i pick up the regular phone, call my cell phone, and when my cell phone starts ringing i instinctively wonder who is calling me and reach to answer it.

Then on caller ID i see it's me calling...

doh!

spiritual warfare

In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons, and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat, and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger, and then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super-size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

new life!

my friend meghan's baby... 9 weeks 6 days.

congrats!

retreat

every 3 months or so i feel the need to retreat. nothing is wrong. i don't feel defeated. i just need to regroup.

i try to eliminate all my activities except the essential. get rid of the clutter (in the house, in my mind, in my spirit). reorganize priorities. set new directions based on the experience of the last few weeks/months.

a couple of days ago i felt this need for a retreat coming on again. i've tapered down my activity a little, but haven't fully let go yet.

there are a million things i'd like to post on here, but they may have to wait. i guess that is what i am ambivalent about. i know i should probably give it a rest, but i hate to.

computer fast

Yesterday i decided to go the whole day without turning the computer on. wow. i was actually forced to have a life... :)

get creative online

Mr. Picasso Head Create your own Picasso masterpiece!

Jackson Pollock Create your own Jackson Pollock masterpiece!

carve your own jack-o-lantern

Pianographique Create your own audio/visual collage

garage sale scores

saturday morning i left the house at 7am, stopped at winn-dixie to get cash, stopped at mcdonalds to get 2 egg mcmuffins, and hit the garage sales about 7:30. On my list were an mp3 player, a bike, and weights. i asked god to help me know where to go.

it started out slow, not finding much i was interested in. then i pulled up to a place that had a barbell set prominently displayed. i asked how much they were. "oh they're free to whoever wants them." they went promptly into my back seat (after much huffing and puffing).

then there was an air popper (for popcorn). i had been interested in those ever since i read about how to roast your own coffee beans. apparently these poppers are just the ticket for doing that. $1.50.

i then came across a guy with a gazillion boxes of books, neatly categorized. cheap books! a great find. i looked over all of them and didn't see anything significant. upon closer inspection, however, i came up with 3 goodies. $1.50

• dilbert: still pumped from using the mouse
• What's my type? A system of 9 personality types
• God drives a flying saucer: astounding biblical revelations that prove the existence of ufo's and explain their spiritual signficance to mankind

the dude said he sold books on ebay under the name jacksonvillebooksandmusic. i asked if i could save on shipping if i just drove over and got something i was interested. he was quite hesitant. "i don't like to meet strangers from the internet. but since we've met, just remind me it's you."

On to the next place. A bike! A Cambridge Roadmaster. Since it doesn't have a bar across the top it must be a girl's bike. so? what's the difference? it had 21 speeds and looked in good condition. a little shorter than i would prefer. I would really like a 27 inch. i asked if i could take it for a spin. "If i don't come back you can have my car," i quipped. it didn't ride very well because the tires were pretty flat. and because the seat was low it was difficult to pedal. when i got back i asked if they could get a wrench to lift the seat up. the woman acted annoyed. "the seat goes up as high as you want!" the man went to find a wrench and was unsuccessful. they asked $20. i offered $15 of course. They took it and off i went with a bike, finally. it's been several months since i had one. now that i think of it, i think the last bike i had was a cambridge roadmaster. but it was a boy's bike. and it was $20! on the way home i filled the tires with air and when i got home i jacked up the seat, and presto... new bike! life is worth living again.

i came upon a goodwill, and because it was getting too late for garage sales (10:30) i decided to drop in to see what treasures i could snag.

i went to the record section first, but the selection was much smaller than usual. i did find 4 i was interested in, but couldn't remember if i already had them or not. decided to get them just to be sure. $4

• captain & tennille: love will keep us together
• the carpenters: the singles, 1969-1973
• barbara streisand: memories
• john denver: greatest hits

i found a veggietales vhs tape and got it for my girls who love veggie tales. (frankly, i never saw the attraction in that series.) larry-boy! & the fib from outer space $2

i also picked up a computer progam called galaxy of games: arcade action. when i got it home i realized it was built for windows 95 so it's way old, and works kind of klunky. also, much of it is shareware, so you end up having to buy it if you want to keep playing it anyway. i did find one decent pinball game which i decided to download and keep. $1

So... if this were a tv commercial i would say...

• weights for bulking up: free
• popcorn popper to roast coffee: $1.50
• books for stimulation and humor: $1.50
• bike for health and fun: $15
• records to bring back memories: $4
• video to keep the girls entertained for a half hour: $2
• computer games to waste untold hours: $1
• a fun expedition on an otherwise boring saturday morning picking up lots of cool stuff for $25: priceless

boss's day

in honor of boss's day here are some cool quotes from bosses. enjoy.





Mr. Burns from "The Simpsons"

• What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?
• Smithers, for attempting to kill me, I'm giving you a five percent pay cut!
• This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.
• This is America! Justice should favor the rich!
• Hum...a dollar for eternal happiness... I'd be happier with the dollar
• You're not as stupid as you look, or sound, or our best testing indicates
• As punishment for your desertion, it's company policy to give you the plague.
• Oh, hello mother. Sorry for pulling the plug on you like that. Who knew you'd pull through....and live on for 5 decades?
• I'll keep it short and sweet. Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
• Smithers, get me some strike breakers. The kind they had in the 30s.
• Now leave. And I suggest you don't dawdle. The hounds will be released in 10 minutes.
• You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate. And revulcanize my tires, post haste!
• Oh, yes, sitting---the great leveler. From the mighiest pharoh to the lowliest peasant, who doesn't enjoy a good sit?
• Smithers… we have to stop dumping our nuclear waste in the playground, all those bald children are starting to raise suspicion.

Michael Scott from "The Office"

• This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.
• No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don't tell them.
• I'm friends with everybody in this office. We're all best friends. I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments, and that is when it's nice to let them know that you could beat them up.
• Yeah I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?
• A lot of the people here don't get trophies very often, like Meridith or Kevin. I mean who's gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts?
• Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.
• Reverse psychology is an awesome tool, I don't know if you guys know about it, but basically you can make someone think the opposite of what you believe, and that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.
• Christmas is awesome. First of all you got to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no-one can say anything. Third you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time.
• That is a perfectly good mini Christmas tree. We are going to sell that to charity because that is what Christmas is all about.
• Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney.
• Dwight gave a great speech. That’s the word on the street, anyway. And I entertained Dwight to no end with my bar story, so I captivated the guy who captivated a thousand guys. Can you believe that? A thousand guys.
• When people hear the term 'big brother' they immediately think it's bad or scary. I don't. I think, 'Wow, I love my big brother.'
• There's always a distance between a boss and the employees, its just nature's rule. It's intimidation mostly. It's the awareness that they are not me.
• Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.
• Apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real-world community that would be chaos.
• Why can’t boys play with dolls? Why does society force us to use urinals when sitting down is far more comfortable?
• What is more important than quality? Equality.
• Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton…mostly at work…
• Today is spring cleaning day here at Dunder Mifflin and -- yes, I know it’s January, I am not an idiot -- but if you do your spring cleaning in January, guess what you don’t have to do in spring? Anything…
• The rules of “shotgun” are very simple and very clear. The first person to shout “shotgun” when you’re within sight of the car gets the front seat. That’s how the game’s played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion.
• Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say “Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth”.
• I don’t understand…you want to see other people? Oh...only other people…
• I told Dwight that there is honor in losing. Which, as we all know, is completely ridiculous. But there is however honor in making a loser feel better, which is what I just did for Dwight. Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
• It’s not a popularity contest. Although it does make sense to fire the least popular because it has the least effect on morale.
• I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.
• I think in order to be a ladies’ man, it’s imperative that people don’t know you’re a ladies’ man. So I kind of play that close to the chest. I don’t know, what can I say? Women are attracted to power. And I think…other people have told me I have a very symmetrical face.

Donald Trump

• A little more moderation would be good. Of course, my life hasn't exactly been one of moderation.
• I have made the tough decisions, always with an eye toward the bottom line. Perhaps it's time America was run like a business.
• Anyone who thinks my story is anywhere near over is sadly mistaken.
• Watch, listen, and learn. You can't know it all yourself.. anyone who thinks they do is destined for mediocrity.
• I've always told people that to be successful you have to enjoy what you're doing and right now I really enjoy what I'm doing. I'm having too much fun with my life. Why would I want to do something else? Why would I want to run for governor?
• When I started out in business, I spent a great deal of time researching every detail that might be pertinent to the deal I was interested in making. I still do the same today. People often comment on how quickly I operate, but the reason I can move quickly is that I’ve done the background work first, which no one usually sees. I prepare myself thoroughly, and then when it is time to move ahead, I am ready to sprint.

Dr. E.L. Kersten

A few video lessons on employee motivation by an executive at despair.com. http://www.despair.com/spin.html

dilbert's "pointy-haired" boss

• Our turnover rate is very low. We only hire people who aren't skilled enough to work anyplace else.
• Alice, you'd get more accomplished if you were less of a perfectionist. I've asked Wally to work with you - to teach you how to be less perfect.
• I'm putting you in charge of our 'ISO 9000' Certification. We don't know what it is, but it looks great on our brochures.
• We're not giving any raises. But we think work is its own reward. Expect to be rewarded about twice as much next year.
• Happy combined birthdays. Today we honor the employees who had birthdays within the past year. That's Dilbert ... Alice ... Asok ... Did I miss anyone?
• Alice, your performance exceeded all expectations this year. But I'm not giving you the top rating because I want you to have something to shoot for. It's always good to have something to shoot for.
• Do you mind if I pretend to like you? I hear it increases productivity.
• And remember, money is no object... unless you intend to spend it.

Lou Grant (Mary Tyler Moore show)

• Mary, I don't want you to take this wrong, but you're a jerk.

Bill Lumbergh (Office Space)

• Milt, we're gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B. We have some new people coming in, and we need all the space we can get. So if you could just go ahead and pack up your stuff and move it down there, that would be terrific, OK?
• Ahh, I'm going to have to go ahead and ask you to come in on Sunday, too...
• Hear him speak on your computer

J. Peterman (Seinfeld)

• Oh, Elaine, this dry air is curing me like a Black Forest ham.
• Oh, I'll be inaugrating them this weekend, with none other than Ethel Kennedy. A woman whose triumph in the face of tragedy is exceeded only by her proclivity to procreate.
• It was the Peace Corps that gave me my start in this business. (nostalgic) Clothing the naked natives of Bantu Besh.
• Then in the distance I heard the bulls. I began running as fast as I could. Fortunately I was wearing my Italian Captoe Oxfords. Sophisticated yet different; nothing to make a huge fuss about. Rich dark brown calfskin leather. Matching leather vent. Men's whole and half sizes 7 through 13. Price $135.00.

spam spam spam spam

I thought it would be fun to take a look at what the spammers are up to lately. Looking at the 200 spam emails i got this weekend, here are the winners!

• 22 easy and quick loans
• 15 notifications that i have won some pricey gifts like high-end golf clubs, mp3 players, purses, etc.
• 11 halloween themes.... screen savers, ring tones, parties, etc.
• 11 offers to help me find singles in my area. christian, catholic, sexy, elite, etc.
• 11 offers to get paid up to $80/hr for doing stuff i love to do anyway... play video games, shop, eat out, taking surveys, etc.
• 9 notifications that i have won money to shop at home depot
• 9 offers for a free laptop
• 7 find cheap homes to buy
• 7 offers for a free gillette fusion
• 6 "payday loan" offers
• 5 requests to look at hot new 2007 vehicles
• 4 cheap flights that i won
• 4 how to make money on ebay
• 4 "work from home" opportunities
• 3 invitations to help me buy a car the christian way
• 3 "send your friends a free greeting card"

The other 52 were an assortment of other things i had won, or how to get money some how some way.

columbus sha-mungus

did u celebrate columbus "discovering" america this week? he obviously discovered it. but was he the first to discover it? that's the question.

let's say he was the first european to discover america. might be a bit more accurate. since lots of people already lived there.

and what about the vikings? didn't they discover it before columbus did? oh yeah, but they didn't leave an indelible impression through conquest.

so maybe it would be more accurate to say that columbus was the first european to discover america in a way that led to the subsequent forcible takeover and conquest of the people already living there. doesn't sound so glamorous, does it?

and did he really discover it? was he looking for new lands? no. it was an accident. a mistake. he was looking for india and sailed the completely wrong direction and bumped into america. "look what i discovered!" (when he finally figured out it wasn't india after all.) so maybe it would be the most accurate to say that columbus was the first european to accidentally bump into america in such a way that it led to the subsequent forcible takeover of the continent from the people already living there. not glamorous at all, is it?

i would be ok with it all if i could just get my employer to give me a paid day off to celebrate it! no such luck...

PS if you have any interest in the history of trans atlantic crossings prior to columbus, go here.

what did the buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

"Make me one with everything."

what has the lowest viscosity?

blood is thicker than water
but spirit is thicker than blood

cats

cats are proof that god made some things for no good reason.

myspace

i'm sorry... myspace is about the worst designed site ever. it's horribly klunky and un user-friendly. most pages look way too bizzy, hard to read, etc. the site is slow (or down) lots. the comments people leave make no sense because you don't know what they are commenting about. i could go on and on, but trust me. it's horrible.

and it's wildly popular. go figure...

sunday caricatures

today i brought pastels and a pen to church. olivia decided to draw a picture of me.

Apparently that is a bible. i told her that was a caricature and to draw one of her mom. those are shopping bags. and now for her sister becca...that's a microphone. and last but not least, here are some roses.

what should the speed limit be?

the lower the safer, right?

nope.

research shows that the safest speed limit is the speed at or below which 85% of drivers will go on that road. artificially lowering the speed limit below that speed does not slow drivers down, and increases accidents because some people will artificially slow down, causing a poor flow of traffic and increasing the chance of collision.

For more details... http://www.motorists.org/issues/speed/speedfaq.html

gly see mick in decks

What the heck is the glycemic index, and why should I know about it? Good question.

When you eat carbohydrates they are converted into glucose in your blood so you will have energy. The glycemic index tells you how a particular food affects the amount of glucose in your blood over a period of time. Foods with a high index produce high levels of glucose quickly, but in a couple hours there will actually be less glucose than there was when the food was first eaten. (i.e., hunger) A low index food adds glucose to the blood slowly, peaking at about 1 1/2 hours and gradually tapering to baseline at 3 hours. The light blue line represents a high index food, and the dark blue line represents a low index food.

Low gi is considered 55 or below. high is 70 or above.

What are the benefits of eating low glycemic index foods? I'm glad you asked.

• Low GI diets help people lose and control weight
• Low GI diets increase the body's sensitivity to insulin
• Low GI carbs improve diabetes control
• Low GI carbs reduce the risk of heart disease
• Low GI carbs reduce blood cholesterol levels
• Low GI carbs can help you manage the symptoms of PCOS
• Low GI carbs reduce hunger and keep you fuller for longer
• Low GI carbs prolong physical endurance
• High GI carbs help re-fuel carbohydrate stores after exercise

What is noteworthy?

• pasta is ok
• potatoes are the devil

To get more info, and to look up the gi of your fav foods, go here.

grace and gratitude

olivia newton-john was on one of the morning shows today. she has a new cd entitled "grace and gratitude" which she says is an attempt to connect her with others and her spirituality. she is a breast cancer survivor and about a year ago her live-in boyfriend went out to sea and never came back. mystery unsolved.

when i was 13 i saw her sing "i honestly love you" on a tv special, and for one brief moment she convinced me that she really did! my first media crush.

her "grease" movie and music with john travolta were lots of fun. (although now when i see the movie i am aghast at the blatant message of the movie.... "Don't be a prude. Have sex! Fit in! It's fun!") once i had a girlfriend who dressed up like her and i was john travolta. i can't remember what it was for. halloween? i don't think so.

i remember she started a clothing line awhile back, in the 90's i think. haven't heard much about it for a long time.

she had a cd of lullabyes that we bought when my son was born.

anyways, the song she sang this morning, "grace and gratitude," could have been a worship song. "thank you. thank you for life." etc. Her eyes were closed and it seemed as much like a worship experience as i've ever seen on a morning show.

After a little research i discovered that the spirituality she espouses is a fairly generic attempt to connect with god. A strong new age flavor, attempting to embrace all religions, the divine, chakars, etc.

At least she is honestly seeking to know, connect with, and follow god. Which is more than most musicians, celebrities, and christians do.

Here's a link to the CD on her site. http://olivianewton-john.com/gracegratitude.html

a series of misfortunate events

Sorry. I hope you're not eating breakfast.

9:30 last night my son was going to drive to my place when he got off work at winn-dixie and then i was going to take him to his mom's house. (He had my car.) I decided to ride the bike half way to winn-dixie and meet him in the middle. (I had his bike.) I had a group to lead on the phone at 10pm, so i left on my bike at 9:20. Plenty of time.

As i turned out of the driveway onto the sidewalk and started riding i pulled out my cell phone and chuckled to myself, "i wonder if there's a law against talking on your cell phone while driving... a bike!" I called justin to let him know i would be meeting him half way and to meet at the church on the corner. Got his voice mail and left a message. went to turn the phone off, steering with my right hand and navigating the buttons on the cell phone with my left. i started to put the phone back in my pocket when looming in front of me in the dark was a street sign. if i didn't make a course correction the left handlebar of my bike was going to hit the pole in about 1 second. so using the proficient bicycling skills i learned as a child (won two "bike rodeos!") i swerved just in time. however, that meant i was swerving toward the road. so i quickly used my remaining one-handed skills to swerve back left.

at this point maneuvuring a swerving bike in the dark with one hand proved to me more than i could handle. time went slow motion as i began to totter. i used my best balance and braking skills, but nonetheless the bush to my left approached rapidly. i ended up on the ground. unceremoniously i might add. my bike and me had both gone through angles we were never designed to do. im laying there on my back with a cell phone in my hand. did anybody see me?? a car that had just passed put on its brakes and slowed down. i got up quickly and brushed off. i didn't want anyone to stop.

as i am struggling back on the bike i notice something across the road in the dim streetlight. was it a person? it looked like a person sitting on the sidewalk with their head in their hands. it was right in front of my daughter's old elementary school. there was nobody else around.

"are you alright?" i yelled. "no" a voice responded.

i started to quickly walk my bike across the street, even though there was a car approaching (valiant of me). the car approaching me put on swirling red and blue lights... great... good time for a jay-walking ticket.

undaunted, i continued speed-walking toward the enigma on the sidewalk. it was a girl who was probably in her early 20's, although her face betrayed that she had had much more life experience than that. "What's the matter?" i asked tentatively. "i can't get to my family..." she sobbed. her eyes were red and brimming with tears and she reeked of alcohol.

by that time the swirling light car had stopped and the man in blue walked up to us. he quizzed her about where she lived, where her family lived, etc. she stumbled with the answers. They live in saint augustine and she lives somewhere between here and there? "you might as well just arrest me and take me to jail" she blurted. "you'll probably do it anyway for some made-up reason." "why's that? you don't have any warrants do you?" "no." "you haven't been drinking have you?" "yes! i've been drinking." the officer seemed to have the situation under control and i walked my bike down the sidewalk a bit and hopped on. sad.

as i headed toward the designated meeting spot with my son my cell phone rang. did i answer it? of course. what am i? stupid? it was my son. "dad, where are you?" "i'm riding to the church. where are you?" "im at winn-dixie." "did you get my message?" i inquired. "yes. im just getting off." "ok i'll see u at the church." i arrived at the meeting spot and hopped off the bike and stood and waited.

and waited. and waited. and waited.

looking at the clock on my cell phone it said 9:43. i have to be back to lead the group at 10. i called jay. "where are you?" "I'm just leaving." "Jay, i have to be on the phone at 10! I thought you were leaving when you called me before." "i said i was getting off. i didn't say i was coming." click.

i was not happy. this was going to put me in a tight spot and i hate rushing, especially when it involves a car (or bike, lol).

i watched all the headlights coming toward me. that's him! no... oh, that's him! nope... the swirling light car sped by me with a passenger in the dark back seat.

i called my son again. "i'm almost there dad." i waited. and waited. my phone said 9:47. to think he would arrive, i would put the bike in the trunk, we would go to his mom's house, take the bike out, and drive to my place and get set up for the phone call by 10:00 seemed ludicrous. maybe i should call new-life and tell them to let people know i'll be late. i have been leading groups since january and i've never really been late or missed a group. i hate to be late. and this was a brand new group so all the participants would be on the line waiting and not knowing what was going on. i felt for them.

he finally arrived and i opened the trunk to put the bike in. my vacuum cleaner is in there! taking up almost the whole space! how did my vacuum cleaner get in there?? i'll have to take it out and put it in the back seat so i can put the bike in. so i take it out. i look for a bungee cord and remember i had let my neighbor borrow some. are there any left?? i rummage around and find one. i slap it on, not as good as usual. i wanted to drive, but it would take time to switch drivers. so i walked past the drivers side door around the front and over to the passenger side. my son unlocks the power locks and i get in. "dad i made it from mom's house to yours and back once in 9 minutes, so u've got time." i said nothing. pulling out of the parking lot onto the road we hit a bump and the $700 bike almost fell out of the trunk. it was having as good a day as i.

justin seemed to drive especially slow but i couldn't quite fathom telling my son to drive faster!

we got to his mom's house. the clock in the car said 9:59. "dad, this clock is like 6 minutes fast so you've got 7 minutes!" i said nothing.

i took the bike out of the trunk and the trunk looked especially empty and spacious. oh, because the vacuum cleaner is gone. the vacuum cleaner. the vacuum cleaner!! hoping for the best i looked in the back seat. nope. not there. i had left it by the car in the parking lot when i took it out of the trunk... just what i need. another time obstacle. should i leave it there so i'll be on time for the group? i think i can just make it. no. lose a $50 vaccuum cleaner to save 1 or 2 minutes of being late? i can give up some perfectionism can't i?

i headed back toward the church. i called new-life and told cora to tell the folks that called that i would be a little late. she said one person was already in. great. they're early and im late... argh

my mind spinning, i drove right past the back driveway that would have been a nice short-cut to get to the vacuum cleaner. now i would have to do a couple of extra left-hand turns, one with a traffic light. the light was green so i floored it, although i hate wasting gas. it turned red before i got there. waiting waiting waiting. green. i finally turned into the church and in the dark did not immediately see the vacuum cleaner. great. late and $5o bucks poorer. then my headlights lit upon the dirt devil, standing there, patiently waiting my arrival. than you god.

both church exits were one-way deals that dump you out on the street in a particular direction. both exits would dump me in the direction away from my house. how stupid is that?? you can come here but you can't go home? i went to the exit that was geographically closest to my home and, looking both ways, turned left on a "right turn only." thankfully no swirling light cars caught me. i drove the mile home at the posted speed limit, 45 mph. for some reason it seemed dangerously fast, but i was determined!

I pulled in the parking spot and the car clock said 10:06. great. should i take the vacuum cleaner in? no. i don't have time for that. i opened the door, kicked off my shoes, ran to my bedroom, slapped the headset on, and hit the speed dial. computer clock said 10:02. phew. not so bad! I had saved the day! :)

the person was there, and i introduced myself and then said, "sorry im out of breath. while we're waiting for the others why don't i tell you why." i launched into the recounting of this series of misfortunate events. after a couple minutes she interrupts. "are you telling me this just because we're waiting for others?" apologetically i respond "well, i thought that it might be interesting for me to tell it while we're waiting for the others."

"why don't we just wait" she said.

"ok" i said.

and thus, an uncomfortably long period of dead silence wrapped up my series of misfortunate events.

the end

PS Today my back hurts, my neck is really stiff, and my stomach hurts where the handlebars poked in. the picture is the damage to my leg apparently from the chain. i tried to get a picture of the 2-inch long red streak across my stomach, but apparently your good fortune won out, since i tried several times and couldn't get it to work.

to create

when i went to start this post i had to click on the word "create."

To create. What an awesome thought.

I was musing with God about it this morning. It struck me that creating was bringing something into being that previously did not exist. That's not too hard for me to comprehend unless i work backward to the point where it didn't exist. Where was it then? (makes my hair hurt)

to think that we have the power to bring something into being that does not exist now... and that it depends on our ability and will to make it happen. it's in our hands. the untold potential to create.

what are you creating?

• ideas
• paintings
• organizations
• processes
• clothing
• music
• poetry
• memories
• inventions
• vision
• books
• buildings
• interior decorating
• landscaping
• groups
• bible studies
• movies
• solutions
• games
• tools
• languages
• cards
• web sites
• software
• scrap books
• cakes
• dances
• lesson plans
• trips
• recipes

the list is endless.

the questions is... what are you creating? What are you envisioning and bringing into being that would otherwise not exist??

It is your awesome privilege. It is one of the significant ways you are like God. Don't forsake it. Nothing is too small... Even if no one ever knows about it it will still bring glory to God. He likes it!

PS I "created" this post and i approve of its message, lol.

how unique is man?

i was watching an animation of the 6 days of creation and was struck by something. we didn't get our own day!!

with all the emphasis on our uniqueness, and being made in God's image, etc., i just naturally assumed we were the 6th day, the climax. But when it got to the 6th day it said he made the beasts of the field... i was like, wait! what about us? and then i remembered that we were made on the same day as the animals. i was kinda miffed...

yes, we are made in God's image, but maybe we aren't all that much different from the animals after all!! Actually, the dna difference between us and chimpanzees is very small.

I'd love to know what that difference is that made us different than animals, that made us actually like him... Yes, speech, rational thought, self-consciousness, relationships, communion with God, creativity, etc., all seem more well developed in us than in other animals... but im looking for something more definitive. black and white. Not just more like God than the animals. Is there one essential difference that stamps us imago dei?

half life of caffeine

The half life of caffeine is 6 hours. That means that however much caffeine is in your system now, half that much will still be there in 6 hours.

october dilbert newsletter tidbits

observation about movies...

There’s some sort of unwritten rule that the worse a movie makes you feel, the longer it must be. Comedies and animated movies are generally well under two hours. But a movie about well-dressed people drowning in ice water is going to threaten the four hour mark.

Office anecdotes

There was a question in our company newsletter asking about whether they could water the flowers in the bathrooms since they were looking wilted and sick. The response was "The flowers are artificial."
---
Our health teacher told us that "1 out of 3 people who start smoking will eventually die." The other two apparently became immortal.

Overheard mixed metaphors

• "Well that really throws a wrench in the ointment."
• "That's water over the bridge."
• "You're dead meat in the water."
• "It's hotter than a French hen."
• "They should lock him up and throw away the book."
• "They cooked themselves. Now they have to lay in it."
• "Make sure you cross your p's and q's."
• "Don't look a blind horse in the eye."
• "I put my wrong foot in the wrong mouth at the wrong time!"
• "Don't slap the hand that milks you."
• "Call me back at your least convenience."
• "It's six of one and one of the other."
• "I can't do it in the spur of a hat."
• "That's going to change the whole ball of works."
• "They're not the brightest box of cookies."
• "The pro's for are more than the pro's against"
  

amish suicide note

"I don't know how you put up with me all those years. I am not worthy of you, you are the perfect wife you deserve so much better. We had so many good memories together as well as the tragedy with Elise. It changed my life forever I haven't been the same since it affected me in a way I never felt possible. I am filled with so much hate, hate toward myself hate towards God and unimaginable emptyness it seems like everytime we do something fun I think about how Elise wasn't here to share it with us and I go right back to anger."

This is the text of the first page of the 3-page note Roberts wrote to his wife prior to going to the amish school and killing several young girls and then himself. Further details that have come out reveal that he says he molested two young relatives 20 years ago and could never get it out of his head. That, along with the death of his daughter, are his stated reasons for what he did. In my opinion, suicide notes tend to be truthful.

How to comment on this tragedy besides saying sad, sad, sad... for everyone. Everyone. Every one.

While there is no excuse for the incalculable damage that this guy did to these girls and to this community, I hear his silent agony for all these years. He was truly a tortured soul and I believe he wrestled with many demons, both real and metaphorical.

What could have changed the ending to this story? His wife was at a Bible study. She said he was a great man. It sounds like he tried to be, but inwardly suffered a horribly low self-esteem. The weight of his own sin and inadequacy was too great to bear. Why was the Christian community not able to help him with that? Why did he feel the need to keep quiet?

What choices did he make at each step of his life that led him to this point? Why did he stay silent all these years? Was there something about our culture or his church environment that made it too embarassing to seek help and talk about what was going on inside? Could those he had molested not have come forward long ago? What forces kept them from doing so? What forces kept him from dealing with his true emotions of anger after his daughter's death so that they didn't fester and explode?

My challenge, in the middle of this horror, is to not be quite so quick to point the finger always and only at the one who did the crime. But to also look at me, at us, and say "How have we contributed to the crime? Even in a small or unconscious way?" If we are not willing to even stop and consider that question, then we are like the pharisees. Eager to stone, as if they were above weakness and frailty and sin.

Satan, who came to steal, kill, and destroy may appear to have won the day. But let's not let him win the war.

my affirmation statements

Affirmation statements are a way to remind yourself of what you are becoming. I read one of these per day.

Abilities and talents (Updated April 7, 2007)

• I am an original, insightful, and astute thinker and analyst
• I am a highly-proficient researcher, with a voracious appetite.
• God has given me an incredible gift of wisdom, and I confidently use it to help others live fulfilling and meaningful and purposeful lives.
• I regularly produce simple, easy-to-understand forms, software, and other tools that help people live more satisfying and productive lives.
• I write often - articles, emails, blog posts, books, ideas, and brainstorming.
• I use words with craft and skill and impact - grabbing the attention of the reader and making a practical difference in their life, beliefs, values, or decisions.

Aesthetics (Updated May 2, 2007)

• I regularly listen to a wide variety of music throughout the day.
• I fashion a pleasing personal appearance.
• I wear clean, well-fitting, appropriate clothing.
• I shower and shave at least every other day.
• I decorate my home simply, yet beautifully and elegantly appointed.
• I intentionally schedule time to view art.
• I recognize and take the time to appreciate beauty everywhere.
• I take beautiful photos and bless others with them.
• If it doesn't taste good I don't eat it.
• I regularly use cologne to spice up my atmosphere! :)
• I maintain an intriguing fragrance in my home.
• I compliment others about their fashion, and tell them why.
• I keep a clean car, inside and out.
• I keep the shore of the pond behind my house clean of litter.
• I attend wine, coffee, and other food tasting events, learning to discriminate and "appreciate."

Attitude (Updated May 16th, 2007)

• I will make the most of this day based on my present circumstances and what I've been given.
• This will be a great day, because the God of the whole universe loves me, cares about me, and has everything under control!
• I will find something new to be grateful for today.
• Crisis = Danger + Opportunity
• I will think outside of the box today, and hop-scotch out of the ruts I'm in!
• Today is the only day I have.
• This is not a dress rehearsal.
• I will find a way.
• I won't let the jerks get the best of me today.
• Trials are an opportunity to develop patience, character, and perserverance.
• I woke up today. Yay!
• I will be kind today to someone who doesn't deserve it.
• I will blow bubbles in an unexpected place today.
• I will thank a minimum-wage worker for their service to me today
• I will eat-left handed today.

My children (Updated June 23, 2007)

• I demonstrate love to my children in the love language that means the most to each of them. (Justin -time with, trust, fairness. Olivia -gifts. Rebecca -time with, involvement and appreciation of her activities, words of affection and affirmation.)
• I proactively help my children grow: spiritually, emotionally, mentally, relationally, and in life skills.
• I set clear and firm boundaries, and give swift, no-nonsense consequences.
• I consistently read devotional material, and pray with my children, one-on-one and as a group.
• I carve out time in my schedule for just "hanging out" with my kids, one-on-one, and as a group.
• I am encourage my children to discover, develop, and utilize their unique talents, gifts, and abilities. Justin -guitar, poetry, song-writing, video taking and editing, working with teens. Olivia -art, fashion and cosmetics, decorating, dogs. Rebecca -music, dance, drama, sports, socializing.

Fitness (Updated October 24, 2007)

• I move my body every day
• I exercise in a well-rounded way, for health, fitness, weight control, stress relief, strength, flexibility, and stamina benefits.
• I eat well... Not only what I eat, but how, when, where, and why I eat it. I'm a sophisticated eater!
• I am a gourmet not a gourmand.
• I seek ways to incorporate physical activity in random, everyday events.
• I am actively seeking activities that have exercise as a fringe benefit, such as dancing.
• Fitness is more impotant than appearance.
• If I make fitness a priority, other things are going to have to get knocked down a notch.
• Exercise feels good afterwards!
• Exercise early in the day and get it out of the way!
• It's easier to eat one less cookie than it is to exercise for one more hour.

God

• I spend ample time communicating and communing with God... scheduled and spontaneously
• I joyfully seek and accept God's will and plan for me
• I am filling my life with worship music that ministers to my heart
• I am increasingly fine-tuning my ability to hear what God wants me to tell others.
• I have several men and women who pray with me on a regular basis.

Identity

• I am a strong and confident Christian man.
• I am an intelligent, sensitive, talented, creative, and growing child and servant of God
• I have a very satisfying life as a single man.
• I am increasingly aware of and defining my life purpose, mission, vision, and values
• I am growing daily in wisdom, and stature, and favor with God and man.

Job

• I am throwing myself into the opportunity I have at New Life to impact people - one on one and in groups.
• I am enjoying the opportunity at my church job to exercise, not think, and to get to know fellow church employees.

Money

• I am a generous person, but don't give away what I don't have.
• I am consistently working my way out of debt.
• I am increasing income and decreasing expenses on a regular basis.
• I am learning to be wise in financial affairs
• I am seeking and finding ways to use my gifts and passions to generate income.
• I live within my means.
• I am open to new and unexpected and unusual sources of income that God may send my way
• I devote sufficient time and attention to necessary financial details.

Recovery and serenity

• I accept myself for where I'm at and who I am today.
• I am actively seeking to make restitution for the harms and wrongs I have done throughout my life.
• I am learning what my true hungers are at any given time.
• I appreciate beauty in women but don’t lust, linger, or fantasize about them.
• I keep good boundaries in my relationships with women.
• I recognize and interrupt self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors as soon as they happen.
• I take care of myself very well, in all areas
• I take the time to breathe, and relax my stomach
• I take criticism well, welcoming the chance to either receive and learn, or defend, or let it roll off my back.
• I do not use pornography, or any form of visual stimulation (including mental fantasy).
• I grieve and suffer losses and disappointments thoroughly, and then move on.

Relationships

• I am assertive and set boundaries as soon as I need to.
• I am building strong connections with men.
• I am clear with others what my boundaries are.
• I am comfortable around people in social settings, and do not avoid or resist or escape interaction with them.
• I help others know what they can do to help their relationship with me work better.
• I say “no” and get out of commitments and relationships quickly and gracefully when they aren't working for me any longer.
• I seek “win-win” outcomes to every conflict.
• I initiate social interaction and chit-chat.

Task management

• With important things I am careful, slow, and deliberate.
• I am learning to keep most things as simple, quick, and easy as they can be to accomplish the result.
• I am learning to organize my time, responsibilities, tasks, and information in ways that work for me.
• I invest more time, effort, and thought into things up front if it will save me time, effort, or thought in the future
• I organize my household in a way that makes it easy to use and keep clean
• I structure my time and tasks in such a way that it capitalizes on my “bursts of energy!”

how far does the apple fall from the tree?

Who am I like? My mom or my dad? In some ways like one and some ways like the other. In some ways both. In some ways neither.

In the Lose it for Life workbook there was an exercise helping us to sort out that issue. Here were my results.

Who do I resemble?

basic temperament/personality -both
personal preferences - mom
social skills -both
hobbies/leisure pursuits -mom
political views -neither
religious/spiritual beliefs -neither
work ethic -both
facial features -mom
manner of speaking -both
sense of humor -dad
good habits -neither
bad habits -mom
way of responding to stress -both
handling money -neither
eating habits -mom

a blessing for you

May the Lord bring you into an ever deeper understanding of the love of God and the endurance that comes from Christ. 2 thessalonians 3:5 (NLT)

30 day food journal

I have made so many great changes in my habits of eating and exercise over the past year or two. But there is one area that has been a consistent struggle for years. And that is late night eating.

The last couple of hours before bed is a high temptation time... often eating when I have no hunger. It's almost like I can't go to bed/sleep unless I have had the equivalent of a full meal not long beforehand. This has been a pattern/habit for years and years and years. Since I was young.

If I don't get victory in this area I will never be successful in "losing it for life." I've tried a lot of things. Yes, including prayer. So, I thought I would bring it public.

For the next 30 days (until the end of October) I will document here each day anything I eat after 9pm. I will also describe the experience. If you would read this regularly and comment about it, it would help me feel supported and encouraged along the way... to grow and learn and grieve and "put away."

I will edit this post each day, I won't create a new one. So you'll have to come to this particular post each time you want to check up on me. To find this post easily, go here and then save it as a favorite. OK?

Thanks!

Doug

1-Night of October 2

At 9:20pm i wrote, "I'm angry about having to do this. I hate it!" I had eaten cheddar triscuits with salsa, and my mouth was saying, "Give me sweet, cool, thirst quenching, chocolate!" Sounded like ice cream to me. I didn't have any in the house, but considered going out to buy some. Even the decadant Starbucks ice cream, mocha almond fudge. I knew it would taste really good... but it doesn't come in small containers so i would probably eat waaaay too much. And it has caffeine so it would keep me up. And the rich dairy would give me cramps. I knew I would regret it. But i realllly wanted it.

By the time i finished work at about 10:45 pm and finished up some stuff on the computer I was pretty tired. Too tired to think about actually getting in the car and going somewhere to get ice cream. But i had the strong attitude that, "Now it's me time!" So, what was I going to eat while sitting in front of the TV? I asked myself if I was hungry. I really wasn't. But I got a bowl of whole grain cereal with soy milk and half a cut up apple. Tasted good, sweet, wet. Definitely appetite quenching. Watched TV until midnight and stumbled into bed. (Interesting documentary on PBS about "koinonia," a group in southern georgia that practiced racial integration way before the civil rights movement, and all the resistance they encountered.) I had toyed with the idea of having something else to eat before stumbling into bed, but didn't want to have to write about it...

2-Night of October 3rd

I was leading groups on the phone from 9pm - 11pm last night. I ate an apple around 9:30. After the last group was over I stayed on the computer for awhile (working on this blog of course!). I remember thinking, my eyes are so tired, but my mind is so awake!! And then I started wondering whether I was hungry. At one point I had a sudden "starving" feeling, like faint. Close to midnight i got off the computer and went to the living room. Typical time to watch tv and eat. Was I hungry? Not really. I was mad. I just wanted to eat cuz it would feel good. My mouth was again feeling quite dry and salty and i really wanted something sweet. But i had nothing really. I was mad that I would have to write here whatever choice I made. I wanted to be free! I finally had a bowl of frozen veggies with soy sauce and watched TV. Later, I was still struggling with wanting something more to eat, but also kind of ready to go to bed. Kept teetering between bed and food.... Finally got the courage to get up and tumble into bed. I was awake for some time though.... probably until after 1.

3-Night of October 4th

At 9pm I was out on a bike ride. I had bought a king sized hersheys with almonds and a diet pepsi. I was hoping to have eaten them before 9 so i wouldn't have to report here, but got delayed by a friend in the parking lot. So, I found a deserted building, sat down on the sidewalk and had the candy bar and soda while connecting with my lose it for life group using my cell phone. (The group for me and other new life employees, not one i lead.)

After the call I rode the bike home. On the way I saw a Firehouse Subs and thought, if i chose to i could easily eat a large sub. And that would taste soo good and "hit the spot." When I go home I worked on the computer from about 10:30 to 12:30. Thought about food a few times. Debated what to have. About 12:30 I rummaged in the kitchen and finally decided that if i was going to have something maybe it could be veggies. So i got frozen green beans and frozen corn and microwaved them and ate them with hot sauce while watching Jimmy Kimmel Live. I thought, "Hey, maybe i should limit myself to fruit and vegetables after 9." After i finished the corn and beans though i was thinking that that would be too hard, cuz i was already craving something else.

Anger. What is the anger about? I'm angry that i have to go to this length to try to get free of this monster. I want to eat as much as i want at night without any accountability and without any consequences. damnit! I'm losing something that i cherish. That has meant so much to me for so many years. i don't want to let it go... It's hard. It hurts. It's lonely.

4-night of october 5th

at 9pm i had a bowl of fat free plain yogurt with some berries and cut up half of apple. then i had the "series of misfortunate events." (see that post) i did my group from 10pm until a little after 11pm. finished up a few things in the office. went out to the living room, turned the tv on, sat on the couch and thought about what to eat. finally went to the kitchen and got a bowl of 3-color rotini with fat free caesar dressing. turned the tv off a little after 12 (early!) and went to bed. an ok night.

5-night of october 6th

i worked at the church cleaning the lobby from 7:30pm to 9pm. i quit a little early because i was so hungry... really weak. i got in the car and there was an apple there so i ate it. debated where to go to eat. felt like i needed something really substantial. finally settled on dense, unhealthy, and cheap mcdonalds value menu. a double cheeseburger and a mcchicken. tasted real good going down, although i knew that that sort of food, particularly the red meat, would probably give me digestion problems later on. then i went grocery shopping, since my cupboards were bare. i fully intended to cap off the night with some chocolate frozen yogurt (that i had just bought), but i went to bed at midnight without having eaten anything else. keeping accountable here helped. and maybe the protein and volume of food i had at 9 helped. i don't know for sure. stomach felt a little heavy last night, and like a rock this morning. yuck.

6-night of october 7th

at 9pm i was in the middle of cleaning at the church with my daughter olivia. it was time for the "open cafe" segment of celebrate recovery and they were serving cookies, ice cream, and whipped cream. i was pretty excited! i got a bowl, put a cookie on the bottom and put a couple small scoops of ice cream on top. livvy and i sat down to eat. "mmmm... this is good" i said. i'd like some more but i'd be embarassed to go up again." "I wouldn't be," she responded. so she went up and got us seconds. i felt particularly bad after all the study i had done about the glycemic index during the day to be eating high index foods. on the other hand, i ate nothing else the rest of the night, and wasn't too freaked about it. to bed by midnight. normally, those last couple hours before midnight (when i got home a little after 10) would be murder. so, i think there is some slow change coming. im starting to lose my attachment and obsession with having to have something before bed. that is cool.

7-night of october 8th

about 9:30 i had some watermelon, and then ate grapes while working on the computer. i was thinking, "having fruit at night is kinda nice. sweet and wet." later on i sat on the couch and watched tv. i think the craving was salt. went and got the triscuits and fat free cottage cheese and ate the rest of the box and the rest of the carton. fortunately there was not a lot left of either one. but it felt like bingeing. i think it would be good to not bring "whole containers" of stuff to the couch. Take the time to get out what i want first, and then bring it to the living room.
8-night of october 9th

at 10 i stopped during my walk at a convenience store and got a king-sized Mr. Goodbar. a 11:30 i sat on the couch and had a box of triscuits and a carton on fat-free cottage cheese. ate them until the triscuits were gone. i had thought about just getting a serving to take to the living room, but when i got the box of triscuits i thought that would be too much of a hassle... plus, i didn't want to be limited... close to midnight my mouth was feeling salty and i wanted something sweet and had a slice of whole wheat bread and sugar-free jam.

i'm so angry that this is such a problem for me... i should just get better! i don't want to give up this source of relaxation and comfort... i can't stand the anxiety and restlessness and insomnia. and the mouth/taste cravings. it's so hard...

9-night of october 10th

i led groups from 9-11pm last night. i ate an apple during the groups. at 11 i decided to have a bowl of whole wheat pasta with spaghetti sauce. That was probably enough, but my mouth was salty and i wanted to something sweet. I had a small bowl of chocolate frozen yogurt. I tried to make it "healthy" by adding lots of rolled oats on top! And then that was so good i had another bowl! geez...

10-night of october 11th

at 9pm i attended my own lose it for life group and discussed my experience. i told the group that even though it was still a big struggle for me at night that it was good for me to do this blog because it forces me to face this issue for more than a few days. in a few days i can fool myself that i've got it licked or fixed or whatever. i also discussed the fact that people on here seem to want to help me but don't seem to know how. i said i would write it out here, what i need. so here goes... i need encouragement more than i need ideas or tips. i need symathy and empathy more than critique. i need people to share the burden with me. here are the kinds of things you could say that would help strenthen me.

• you're doing good! keep going...
• yay!
• that's ok. we still love you and we're with you.
• it sounds really hard. im sorry.
• don't give up. it will get better. don't worry.
• i admire how hard you are trying and perservering, even when it's not going well.
• it's awesome how real you are here. it really helps me to face myself more honestly.
• i'm proud of you.
• i hear your pain. i feel your struggle. i'm with you in this.
• i hear your loneliness and your fear and i care.
• i cry when i see how hard this is for you and what a demon it's been in your life. it's so sad...
• you're doing the best you can given your life history. be patient. it will come together. don't stop.

I think you get the point, right? those things i think are what actually helps me feel stronger inside to be able to have the power to choose what i eat vs feeling "out of control."

The other thing i said i would do in group was to call someone in the group by 9pm and tell them what my plan for food would be for the rest of the night. Come up with a plan, share it with someone, and let them know the next day how it went. I said i would do that 3 times before the next group.

Oh and I did about the best last night I have done in a long time. All I had was a half a block of tofu with hot sauce, around 10 i think.

Thanks everyone who is reading this. i need you, and welcome all your comments and help. I prefer that you put your comments here vs emailing me, because i would like everyone reading to see this whole "conversation." Peace...

11-night of october 12th

at 9pm i had just finished 2 hours in group and had an hour break. i had two pieces of whole wheat bread topped with salsa and fat-free cottage cheese. then i didn't have anything else the rest of the night, even though i went to bed at midnight! yay

12-night of october 13th

i had celery sticks and used fat free cottage cheese for dip. i've decided to switch to celery sticks instead of triscuits. i think that's a much better choice.

i think i had something else, but i honestly can't remember what.

13-night of october 14th

at 9pm i was cleaning the church with becca. we went to the cafe of celebrate recovery. i just went to the coffee area and got a decaf. becca got a cookie and a few chips and pretzels. we sat down to eat. she asked me was i not going to have anything. i told her i would like a bite of her cookie. she said i could have the rest, so i had about half of a chocolate chunk cookie.

when we got home i popped some popcorn in an air popper i picked up in the morning at a garage sale. i haven't had the air popped kind for a long time. i was surprised how much it made with a few kernels. (isn't that the way it always is with popcorn??) It made two big bowls and i ate one of the bowls with no salt/butter, etc. It was ok. we were watching a dvd. it was very "light," didn't make my stomach feel heavy at all. went to bed at midnight having had nothing else. it seems as though im losing my obsession to go to bed on a "full" stomach... ;)

14-night of october 15th

at 9pm i had raw cabbage with fat free dressing and celery with fat free cottage cheese. At 10 i had 2 pieces of multi-grain bread with fat free margarine. Went to bed at 11. A good night.

15-night of october 16th

half way through.... ok so at 10pm i had a bowl of cereal with light soy milk. at 11pm i had nuts. i had the can with me and ate quite a few... maybe a cup? im not sure. to bed at 12. an ok night.

16-night of october 17th

i finished my last group at 10pm and ate some celery with fat-free cottage cheese. about 11 i had some nuts. probably too many. about a cup. went to bed at midnight.

17-night of october 18th

i was in my personal lose it for life group until 10pm and then had some celery and fat-free cottage cheese. That's it. wooo hooo. Oh, my "next right step" from last week was to call someone by 9pm to tell them what my eating plan was for the rest of the night, and to do that 3 times. I didn't do it at all. partly because i didn't remember. partly because i didn't feel the need. posting on here has really helped. My "next right step" for this week is to send out an email to my local friends asking if they know anyone i could borrow a canoe from, and to bring in the weight set i bought at the garage sale from the car. (I emailed about the canoe today.)

18-night of october 19th

at 9pm i had 2 pieces of ezekiel bread with margarine. at 11pm i had and orange and a pear. at 12 i had a bowl of cereal with soy milk. a little bit more than i needed.

19-night of october 20th

at 10pm i had an orange. at midnight i had 1 piece of ezekiel bread with butter. yay!

20-night of october 21st

i worked at the church from 5:30 to 10:30. it was a long night and i ate a number of things. i honestly don't remember what. the list would have looked long, but the quantity was not bad. too much sugar though, like regular soda while i was working. i hate it that they only have soda at church that has either caffeine or sugar or both. I'll have to bring my own!

21-night of october 22nd

i picked up a pint of cookie dough ice cream on the way home from dropping my kids off at their mom's. i started eating it at 8:30pm and at 9pm i was about half way through. finished it by 9:30. didn't have anything else the rest of the night. to bed at 11.

22-night of october 23rd

i led a group until 9:30pm. had some celery dipped in fat-free cottage cheese. about 10:30 i had 2 pieces of ezekiel bread with margarine. to bed at 11pm. i'm getting lazy.

23-night of october 24th

i led groups from 9 to 11pm. during the groups i had a few celery sticks with fat-free cottage cheese and a 1 oz bag of doritos. nothing else the rest of the night. to bed at midnight. cool...

24-night of october 25th

after 9pm i ate nothing! to bed at 11pm. seems to be a lot easier when i don't have groups at night. (we didn't have our lose it for life group for employees tonight.)

25-night of october 26th

i had a break between 9 and 10. i ate several celery sticks with fat-free cottage cheese and a piece of ezekiel bread with tuna on top. at 1am i had two pieces of ezekiel bread, one with fat-free margarine and the other with sugar-free jam. to bed at 1:30.

26-night of october 27th

i worked at the church from 8 to 9. i honestly don't remember what i had when i got home. im gonna need to start writing down instead of relying on my memory!!

27-night of october 28th

worked at the church from 7 to 10:30. i had a macadamia nut cookie at celebrate recovery at 9. when i got home i had celery with refried beans and then celery with fat-free cottage cheese. a few nuts.

28-night of october 29th

at 11:30pm i had celery with refried beans and a piece of pizza.

29-night of october 30th

at 11 i had almost a cup of nuts. at 11:30 i had 2 pieces of pizza.

30-night of october 31st

i had groups until 11. after that i had a bowl of whole grain cereal with soy milk and a few nuts.

THANK YOU to all who have participated in this project! Thanks for caring, encouraging, watching. I definitely feel the strength of this stronghold had diminished greatly. I'm not all the way there yet, but a huge step forward...

And thanks to Kathie P who gave me a digital camera as a reward!! :)

church doodles

I usually bring some paper, a clip board, and some drawing implements for Olivia to stay occupied with at church. Today I brought markers, and she made this...

Never one to let well-enough alone I thought I would "create" a few variations on the theme.