November 27, 2006

my fav 70's music

random songs i like from the 70's... click the play button (twice, usually) to hear them.

If you find one that doesn't belong in the 70's decade, post a comment for me. Also, if any of these songs doesn't seem to work anymore, let me know. Thanks.

Carole King's voice has a raw, authentic quality to it. this tune is hauntingly sad and evokes the emotion of longing. This is "so far away."



another sad Carole King song. "It's too late" about lost love gone past the point of recovery.


Straight-ahead heavily-processed guitar rock by boston. "More than a feeling." if this doesn't get your blood pumping by the end, you're dead.



"Don't look back" by boston. Good time, high-energy rock with plenty of harmony. this song got blasted a lot from the dorm rooms during my freshman year in college. (says a little about my age!)



"foreplay" and "long time" by boston. An 8 minute romp into theater organ, synthesized guitars, throbbing drums, and screaching and soaring vocals.



understated fun rock by the eagles, "the long run." try not to tap your toes...



"hotel california." the eerie ballad by the eagles that everyone sings to but no one has any idea what it means. and it went for an unbelievable 6 1/2 minutes. unheard of on radio in the 70's.



"Best of my love" by the eagles. acoustic love song. good for slow dancing.



"witchy woman" by the eagles. i don't know if she was really witchy, but from the sound of the music she was at least spooky!



"take it easy" by the eagles. enough said.




"juke box hero" by foreigner. the anthem for every rock star wannabee...



hauntingly beautiful love song by foreigner. "waiting for a girl like you"



"i want to know what love is." a sad love song by foreigner.



elton john: i guess that's why they call it the blues



the police: roxanne



elton john: benny and the jets



billy joel: piano man



billy joel: vienna



billy joel: only the good die young



billy joel: new york state of mind



bee gees: night fever



bee gees: too much heaven



bee gees: how deep is your love



bee gees: stayin alive



bread: if a picture paints 1,000 words



bread: lost without your love



aerosmith: dream on



aerosmith: sweet emotion



aerosmith: walk this way



u2: new years day



u2: sunday bloody sunday



u2: where the streets have no name



u2: still haven't found what i'm looking for



simon and garfunkel: the sound of silence



simon and garfunkel: i am a rock



simon and garfunkel: feelin' groovy



simon and garfunkel: scarborough fair



pink floye: money



pink floyd: we don't need no education



chicago: you're the inspiration



chicago: hard to say im sorry



rolling stones: i can't get no satisfaction



rolling stones: you can't always get what you want



james taylor: how sweet it is to be loved by you



james taylor: smilin' face



james taylor: you've got a friend



james taylor: carolina in my mind



james taylor: fire and rain



carly simon: nobody does it better



bob dylan: like a rolling stone



bob dylan: blowin' in the wind



sonny and cher: i got you babe



michael jackson: beat it



michael jackson: i want to rock with you



michael jackson: billy jean



michael jackson: never can say good-bye



michael jackson: don't stop till you get enough



neil sedaka: laughter in the rain



queen: killer queen



queen: we will rock you/ we are the champions



queen: bohemian rhapsody



queen: somebody to love



queen: crazy little thing called love



genesis: i can't dance



genesis: follow me



the captain and tenille: love will keep us together



earth wind and fire: september



earth wind and fire: after the love is gone



earth wind and fire: fantasy



the carpenters: rainy days and mondays





more to come...

November 22, 2006

huge explosion near my old job


for 10 years i worked at a group home for adults with mental illness in danvers, mass. When i heard the news this morning that there was a huge explosion in danvers i looked up the address and found that it was 1/4 mile from that home. Right around the corner.

I have not been able to reach any of my old friends who still work there, but there are no reports of death or serious injury. It's hard to imagine that there wouldn't be damage to the home though. i'll keep you posted here.

"A" is where the explosion was, "B" is where the group home is.

Here is the news story http://www.wbur.org/news/2006/62619_20061122.asp

UPDATE: One of my old pals at the home told me that the house will be uninhabitable for some time and all the employees have been temporarily assigned to other programs. He also said that 5 residents are missing. Not because they were blown up though... they just decided to take off, lol.

UPDATE: November 26th. Email from assistant program director...

"The house is condemned by FEMA and just by luck no one was seriously injured. The house has huge holes in the roof, the windows all blown in, including the frames, and furniture , blown around. A temp staff from Delta T was on duty and luckily was on the couch , head by the book shelf-says if was the other way around probably would not be alive. If someone was sitting at the desk the program director says they would have been killed!!! The emergency squads came by to evacuate and told everyone to get out and basically run for their lives, which they did. Apparently they thought there was a possibility of another explosion, with so many fumes in the air. Long story short, we had to find our clients and relocate them- and we have to find another site. "

Here's some amateur video taken that night. Beware of rough language of bystanders...

November 20, 2006

November 16, 2006

coach doug mentioned on the air

12/06/06

Steve was trying to help a trucker find ways to get help with their crazy schedule and being on the road so much. He mentioned that we had started coaching groups with great counselors like Doug Doan.

If you're itching to hear it, go here. The relevant part starts about half way through minute 41. It will only be available until 01/06/07 (unless you download it).


11/30/06

Steve Arterburn read an email on New Life Live from someone who had attended the workshop in Ocean City, MD last month. They mentioned that they had gotten a lot out of being in Coach Doug's Tuesday night Lose it for Life coaching group prior to going to the workshop. wooo hooo I guess that's my 15 minutes of fame...

For those of you itching to hear it, go here.

You can skip ahead to 2:20 (minute:second) to hear the start of the email being read. I think it will be available until about December 30th (unless you download it before then).

PS The picture is of Steve, not me! :)


oneplace.com - click here to listen


Oneplace.com has New Life Live broadcasts going back 30 days. They are free to listen to, or to download as an mp3 file for ipod, etc. On each day they have listed what the topics were that people had called in about. Great program...

It has a lot of other Christian programs as well.

November 15, 2006

homesick



i want to go home.

I don't belong here. I don't fit. something's wrong. I feel like an alien and a stranger and a foreigner in this world.

Don't get me wrong. My life is good. Very good. And I'm grateful.

But i don't belong here.

When i have experiences of God, the divine, the supernatural... it reminds me of where i belong, where i really want to be. and i am reminded how this world just doesn't fit me very well.

There's an old Second Chapter of Acts song that has been going through my head lately.

Goin' Home

Goin' home
I'm always goin' home inside
There's an ache in my heart that I can't bear

Take me home
Take my hand
And lead me home oh Lord
I'm so broken up inside
I need to hide in your love
In your hand

So take me home...

I'm not saying you don't give me joy
I just need more of you
How I love you
And I want to be changed just like you

So take me home...

Help me wait on you lord
Until the day you come
All my ways need a grave
So that I can rise with you when you come

To take me home...


Another song with a similar theme is by the group Petra. Here is part of it.

Not of this world

We are pilgrims in a strange land
We are so far from our homeland
With each passing day it seems so clear
This world will never want us here


We're not welcome in this world of wrong
We are foreigners who don't belong
We are strangers, we are aliens
We are not of this world


Hebrews 11

Even when [Abraham] reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith—for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. And so did Isaac and Jacob, who inherited the same promise. Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God.

All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth. Obviously people who say such things are looking forward to a country they can call their own. If they had longed for the country they came from, they could have gone back. But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland. That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

November 12, 2006

switchfoot at freebird live

why is this picture significant??


well it's probably not unless you're a fan of Switchfoot!! Because that's me holding on to Jon Foreman, the lead singer of switchfoot, to keep him from falling off the second floor balcony railing! lol

I took my kids to a switchfoot concert on saturday night, november 11th. It's the only band all 4 of us really like. (miracle)

In the middle of "happy is a yuppie word" he started climbing on the big speakers on the side of the stage and reached up toward the second floor railing and climbed over, turned around, kneeled down on the railing, and sung over the crowd! Now I happened to be in the right spot at the right time, and helped boost him up and steady him. The crowd went wild (I think for him not me... lol)

That's becca next to me. she was pushing her glasses to her nose to make sure that was really him, because she had just touched him! woo hoo

Here is a video my son Justin took with his cell phone of Jon climbing. by the end of the video you can see him reaching up for the railing and starting to go over.



Becca and i were in the balcony looking straight down onto livvy and justin, who were pressed up against the stage for the whole concert, as you can see here.

Here's some live clips of different songs done at various venues. These are not my clips.

"Gone"

Here are the lyrics...

she told him she'd rather fix her makeup
than try to fix what's going on
but the problem keeps on calling
even with the cellphone gone
she told him that she believes in living
bigger than she's living now
but her world keeps spinning backwards
and upsidedown
don't say so long

don't spend today away
cuz today will soon be

gone,

like yesterday is gone,
like history is
gone, just trying to prove me wrong
and pretend like your immortal

she said he said live like no tomorrow
every day we borrow
brings us one step closer to the edge (infinity)
where your treasure, where's your hope
forget the world and lose your soul
she pretends like she pretends like she's immortal
don't say so long
your not that far gone
this could be your big chance to makeup
today till soon be

gone, like yeterday is gone,
like history is gone,
the world keeps spinning on,
your going going gone,
like sumemr break is gone,
like saturday is gone
just trying to prove me wrong
you pretend like your immortal your immortal

we are not infinite
we are not permanate
nothing is immediate
we're so confident
in our accomplishments
look at how dark it is

gone, like Frank Sinatra
like Elvis and his mom
like AL Pichino's cash nothing lasts in this life
my highschool dreams are gone
my childhood sweets are gone
life is a day that doesn't last for long

life is more than money
time was never money
time was never cash,
life is still more than girls
life is more than hundred dollar bills
and on the town frills
life is more than fame and rock and roll and thrills
all the riches of the kings
and up in wills we got information in the information age
but do we know what life is
outside of our conveinent Lexus cages

she said he said live like no tomorrow
every moment that we borrow
brings us closer to the God who's not short of cash
hey Bono i'm glad you asked
life is still worth living, life is still worth living

"meant to live"


here are the lyrics...

Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bid for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

[Chorus]
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken

[Chorus]

We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life, yeah

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live


"Stars"


here are the lyrics...

Maybe I've been the problem
Maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself
The outcome feels the same

I've been thinking maybe I've been partly cloudy
Maybe I'm the chance of rain
And maybe I'm overcast
And maybe all my luck's washed down the drain

I've been thinking 'bout everyone,
Everyone you looks so lonely
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I see someone else
When I look at the stars
The stars, I feel like myself

Stars looking at a planet
Watching entropy and pain
And maybe to start to wonder
How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane

I've been thinking 'bout the meaning of resistance
Of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent
Begin to look like home

I've been thinking about everyone
Everyone you looks so empty
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I see someone else
When I look at the stars
The stars, I feel like myself.
Yeah!

Everyone, Everyone feels so lonely
Everyone, yeah everyone feels so empty
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I feel like myself
When I look at the stars
The stars, I see someone...

November 7, 2006

2006 election stuff

MY ANALYSIS (trying to be neutral and objective!)

  • I agree that this was a referendum on President Bush. There has been a huge pent-up frustration building with many Americans that he is not open to feedback. I think these results were meant to make him listen. An intervention, if you will... lol. It seems to have worked.
  • A spate of recent Republican scandals fueled this anger and frustration, giving energy to the discontent.
  • This was more of an anti-Bush vote than it was a pro-liberal values vote.
  • Although not necessarily an intended consequence of so many democrats winning house seats, the fact is that it makes Nancy Pelosi speaker of the house. She is staunchly liberal, and this will make for sparks between her and President Bush.
  • The Republicans had grown complacent and arrogant about being in power. When they first took control of house/senate they had a lot of energy, an agenda. For some time now they have projected the attitude... "We're right. We know it. Get used to it."
  • Having been hamstrung for so many years by not having the white house, house, or senate, the Democrates will come out swinging... probably overreacting to their new-found power. Expect dramatic legislation to be introduced quickly.

November 5, 2006

november challenge



i received such benefit from my 30-day online food journal that i was wondering if i could do somcthing similar for novemeber. Something that i stay accountable about on here. Some of my ideas are...

  • a goal for a certain amount of pounds lost during the month
  • a goal for a certain number of nights i don't eat anything after 9pm

Also, i was thinking that it would really help to have some incentive. I've been stuck at the same weight for quite awhile, and it would help to have something to reach for that would help me get some momentum again. I was thinking that i could con you to offer me rewards if i do certain things. (I find external rewards more motivating.) What could a reward be? Well, an mp3 player and a digital camera are 2 things that i want strongly enough that i would "work" for them.

Those are some of my thoughts. I intend to come up with a plan by monday. please leave me comments if you have any ideas, or if you want to participate in the "incentive program," lol.

peace

doug

UPDATE: NOVEMBER 6

Kathie P offered me one of her digital cameras she doesn't need in return for...

  • receiving her email each day telling me what she ate the day before
  • me not eating after 9pm for 10 days out of the next 30.

Now i'm looking for someone who would be willing to reward me with an mp3 player if I lose 5 pounds during the next 4 weeks.... Got one??

I will post here each day if i ate after 9 or not. I will post every monday what my weight is.

Date Weight Fat Waist hydration

nov 6 241 36% 45.5 48%

nov 13 -dang. forgot to weigh myself this morning

nov 20-forgot again... getting old?

nov 26-240.5 36% ( ) 48% my guess i had lost prior to thanksgiving and gained it back this week.

dec 4 - 239.5 36.5% ( ) 46.5 %

Did I eat after 9pm?

mon, nov 6 (1) NO-1

Tue, nov 7 (2) NO-2

wed, nov 8 (3) NO-3

thur, nov 9 (4) YES

fri, nov 10 (5) NO-4

sat, nov 11 (6) YES

sun, nov 12 (7) NO-5

mon, nov 13 (8) NO-6

tue, nov 14 (9) YES

wed, nov 15 (10) NO-7

thur, nov 16 (11) Yes

fri, nov 17 (12) NO-8

sat, nov 18 (13) Yes

sun, nov 19 (14) Yes

mon, nov 20 (15) Yes

tue, nov 21 (16) Yes

wed, nov 22 (17) NO-9

thurs, nov 23 (18) NO-10

fri, nov 24 (19) NO-11

sat, nov 25 (20) YES

sun, nov 26 (21) NO-12

mon, nov 27 (22) YES

tue, nov 28 (23) YES

wed, nov 29 (24) YES

thurs, nov 30 (25) NO-13

fri, dec 1 (26) NO-14

sat, dec 2 (27) Yes

sun, dec 3 (28) Yes

mon, dec 4 (29) NO-15

tue, dec 5 (30)

The color quiz personality test


ColorQuiz.com

"Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in ..."



This personality test uses colors only. I have posted previously about another color test, colorgenics. this test is a little different because you take the test twice (for more accurate results?) and because they ask for your gender (pinking pink if you're a girl may mean something different than if you're a boy?).

This test is not so much designed to tell you what kind of personality you have as much as how you feel about your present life circumstances. So it can change over time.

You can take the quiz for free by clicking on the "colorquiz" icon above, or by clicking here . Send me your results, or post them in a comment here if you dare!! :)

Here are my results.

Your Existing Situation

Imaginative and sensitive; seeking an outlet for these qualities--especially in the company of someone equally sensitive. Interest and enthusiasm are readily aroused by the unusual or the adventurous.

Your Stress Sources

Feels he cannot control the situation to create the sense of belonging he needs, and so remains unwilling to place himself unreservedly in another's hands. Is resisting a condition or a relationship which he regards as a discouraging responsibility. Feels like has far more to offer and is likely to remain impatient and irritable until he has obtained all he feels he still lacks. The urge to get away from this unsatisfactory state leads to restlessness and instability.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Believes that he is not receiving his share--that he is neither properly understood or adequately appreciated. Feels that he is being compelled to conform, and close relationships leave him without any sense of emotional involvement.

Very exacting in the standards he applies to his choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in his sex life.

Circumstances are forcing him to compromise, to restrain his demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things he wants.

Your Desired Objective

Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in action. Activity is directed towards success or conquest and there is a desire to live life to the fullest.

Your Actual Problem

The fear that he might be prevented from achieving the things he wants leads him to play his part with an urgent and hectic intensity.

Your Actual Problem #2

Anxiety and restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled emotional requirements, have produced stress. He tries to escape by intense activity, directed either towards personal success or towards variety of experience.

connection shamekshun


I work for a company that constantly preaches "connection."

Last year i put a lot of effort into building up my personal relationships, particularly with men. But those relationships have kind of drifted for various reasons and i find myself not wanting to put the energy into building up my connections with men again. Why? Well let me try and describe all my excuses...

  • men are boring
  • men don't have an interest in true connection. i have to chase them. i do all the work.
  • men are busy
  • men talk about stuff, and want to do stuff, that i have no interest in
  • women are much easier to get along with, and more caring
  • relationships take time and effort, and i'd rather be learning or writing
  • much of the time i am not in the mental/emotional state to focus on connecting. it takes me effort to get out of my head, and often when i have the opportunity for connection i'm too tired or too grouchy.
  • everybody i can think of connecting with annoys me in some way, and i don't want to address those issues with them. i'd rather stay away. there's no perfect friend.
  • it's always going to be more work and aggravation than its worth. the cost is too high and the benefits are too low. so why even try?
  • i'll never find anyone i can feel safe enough to share the deepest secrets and parts of my heart with.
  • there's no chance for the fun of romance in the relationship.

Is that enough excuses to get me off the hook??? can i please put this silly quest to rest?

November 3, 2006

enneagram personality type

Enneagramfree enneagram test

The enneagram is a personality classification system with 9 types. There is a simple online test you can take to discover your type, here. If you take the test I'd love to know your results! :)

My type is #5, the investigator. Here are some of the major characteristics of that type.

THE INVESTIGATOR: Overview of Type Five

The connection between genius and madness has long been debated. These two states are really poles apart, the opposite ends of the personality spectrum. The genius is someone who fuses knowledge with insight into the nature of reality, someone who has the ability to see things with utter clarity and with awe-inspiring comprehension. What separates the genius from the madman is that the genius, in addition to extraordinary insights, has the ability to see them correctly, within their context. The genius perceives patterns which are actually present, whereas the madman imposes patterns, projecting erroneous perceptions onto every circumstance. The genius may sometimes seem to be out of touch with reality, but only because he or she operates at a more profound level. The madman, however, is truly out of touch with reality, having nothing but delusions to substitute for it.

The Five is the personality type which most exemplifies these extremes. In the Five, we see the genius and the madman, the innovator and intellectual, the mildly eccentric crackpot and the deeply disturbed delusional schizoid. To understand how these widely diverse states are part of the same personality type is to understand the Five.

In the Thinking Triad

Fives are members of the Thinking Triad. Their potential problem results from the fact that they emphasize thinking over doing, becoming intensely involved with their thoughts. Fives think so much that their mental world becomes all engrossing, virtually to the exclusion of everything else. This is not to say that Fives do nothing at all, but that they are more at home in their minds, viewing the world from a detached vantage point, than they are in the world of action.

All three members of the Thinking Triad—Fives, Sixes, and Sevens—focus their attention on the world outside themselves. This may seem to contradict the statement that Fives are engrossed in their thoughts, but it actually does not. Fives focus their attention on the external world for a variety of reasons, one of the most important of which is that the material they think about comes through their sense perceptions—the accuracy of which they can never be completely sure of because they are not certain about what lies outside themselves. The only thing they know with certainty is their own thoughts. Hence, the focus of their attention is outward, on the environment while identifying with the thoughts about the environment. The source of many of their problems is their need to find out how their perceptions of the world square with reality so that they can act in it—and do things with confidence.

Problems with Security and Anxiety

Like the other two members of the Thinking Triad, average Fives tend to have problems with insecurity because they fear that the environment is unpredictable and potentially threatening. Further. they feel powerless to defend themselves against the world’s many dangers: they believe they are not capable of functioning as well as others and so make it their number one priority to acquire the skills and knowledge they feel is necessary for them to be able to operate adequately in life.

This fear of being helpless and incapable influences their behavior in significant ways. Fives believe that their resources and capacities are limited, so they respond to their anxiety by downscaling their activities and needs. The more anxious they feel, the more they minimize their needs. While this can be a sensible approach to problems at times, anxious Fives may reduce themselves to living in extremely primitive conditions in order to allay their fears of inadequacy. Naturally, given this orientation, Fives feel easily overwhelmed by others’ needs as well, and try to avoid situations in which others will expect more from them than they feel able to give. As their fears increase, Fives begin to "shrink away" from the world and from connections with others.

When Fives are healthy, they are able to observe reality as it is and are able to comprehend complex phenomena at a glance because they are participating in life and testing their perceptions. In their search for security, however, the perceptions of even average Fives tend to become skewed. Their thinking becomes more convoluted, self-referential and increasingly fueled by anxiety. As they withdraw from the world, it only heightens their fears that they cannot cope with it. Eventually, even basic living requirements seem overwhelming and frightening. And if they become unhealthy, Fives are the type of persons cut themselves off from most human contact while developing their eccentric ideas to such absurd extremes that they become obsessed with completely distorted notions about themselves and reality. Ultimately, unhealthy Fives become utterly terrified and trapped by the threatening visions which they have created in their own minds.

Their problem with anxiety, one of the issues common to the personality types of the Thinking Triad, is related to their difficulty with perceiving reality objectively. They are afraid of allowing anyone or anything to influence them or their thoughts. Because they doubt their own ability to do, they fear that others’ agendas will overwhelm them. They fear that others are more powerful than they are and will control or possess them. Ironically, however, even average Fives are not unwilling to be possessed by an idea, as long as the idea has originated with them. Nothing must be allowed to influence their thinking lest their developing sense of confidence be diminished, although by relying solely on their own ideas and perceptions, and without testing them in the real world, Fives can become profoundly out of touch with reality.

The upshot of this is that average to unhealthy Fives are uncertain whether or not their perceptions of the environment are valid. They do not know what is real and what is the product of their minds. They project their anxiety-ridden thoughts and their aggressive impulses into the environment, becoming fearful of the antagonistic forces which seem to be arrayed against them. They gradually become convinced that their peculiar and increasingly dark interpretation of reality is the way things really are. In the end, they become so terrorized that they cannot act even though they are consumed by anxiety.

The basis of their orientation to the world is thinking; personality type Five corresponds to Jung's introverted thinking type.

Introverted thinking is primarily oriented by the subjective factor....It does not lead from concrete experience back again to the object, but always to the subjective content. External facts are not the aim and origin of this thinking, though the introvert would often like to make his thinking appear so. It begins with the subject and leads back to the subject, far though it may range into the realm of actual reality....Facts are collected as evidence for a theory, never for their own sakes. (C. G. Jung, Psychological Types, 380.)

Although they correspond to Jung's introverted thinking type, Fives are perhaps more precisely characterized as a subjective thinking type because the aim of their thought is not always introverted (that is, directed toward themselves); rather, it is directed often outward toward the environment, which Fives want to understand so that they can be safer in it. The impetus for their thinking comes, as Jung says, from "the subjective factor," from their need to know about what lies outside themselves, as well as from their anxiety when they do not understand the environment. This is why thinking is the method Fives use both to fit into the world and, paradoxically, to defend themselves against it.

One of the results of the way Fives think is that even healthy Fives are not very deeply rooted in visceral experience. They are the type of people who get a great deal of intellectual mileage out of very little experience because they always find something of significance where others see little or nothing. This may lead to great discoveries. However, when they stop observing the world and focus their attention on their interpretations of it, Fives begin to lose touch with reality. Instead of keeping an open mind while they observe the world, they become too involved with their own thoughts and dreams. This leads them further away from the world of constructive action—the very arena in which their self-confidence needs to develop. They may spend a great deal of time playing around with ideas or visions of reality which have almost no practical impact on their lives, leaving them more fearful about themselves and feeling more vulnerable to the predations of the world.

Parental Orientation

As a result of their formative experiences, these children became ambivalent to both parents. Fives, like Twos and Eights, were in search of a niche within the family system, a role that they could fulfill that would win them protection and nurturance. For whatever reasons, though, they perceived that there was no place for them to fit in—that nothing they could do was wanted or needed by their family. As a result, Fives withdrew from active participation in the family to search for something that they could "bring to the table." Fives want to find something that they can do well enough to feel like an equal of others. Unlike other types, however, since Fives’ underlying fear is of being helpless and incapable, they generally look for areas of expertise that others have not already explored or exploited. In a sense, their agenda is to focus on the search for and mastery subjects and skills until they feel confident enough to "reenter" the world.

In the meantime, Fives strike a kind of bargain with their parents which carries over into all of their subsequent relationships: "Don’t ask too much of me, and I won’t ask too much of you." Fives feel that they need most of their limited time and energy to acquire the knowledge and skills that they believe will make them capable and competent. Thus, average Fives come to resent intrusions upon their space, their time, and certainly upon their persons. What for another type might feel like a comfortable distance can feel overwhelming to an average Five. he reasons for this may relate to the Five’s feeling of not having a place in the family. They may have felt crowded out or intruded upon by their parents agendas, or perhaps even literally. Their parents may have nurtured them erratically, or perhaps may have been emotionally disturbed or alcoholic or caught in a loveless marriage, and therefore not dependable sources of love and reassurance. The result is that these children become ambivalent not only toward both parents, but ambivalent toward the world.

Fives attempt to resolve their ambivalence by not identifying with anything other than their thoughts about the world outside themselves. They feel that their thoughts are "good" (that is, correct, and can be safely identified with), while outside reality is "bad" (and must therefore be vigilantly watched), so that it can be repulsed at a moment's notice. In average to unhealthy Fives, the sense of being crowded may have resulted in them feeling unsafe in their bodies. They then become profoundly detached, indifferent to physical comfort, and extremely cerebral as if the quality of their material existence was irrelevant to them. In truth, it is not, but fearful Fives are willing to jettison many comforts and even needs in order to protect the space and time they feel they need to pursue their interests—that is, those areas they are trying to master.

They continue to find their parents, the world, and other people fascinating and necessary, but Fives also feel that they must keep everything and everyone at a safe distance lest they be in danger of being overwhelmed by some outside force. Thus, from the very way they think—their "cognitive style"—Fives set up a strict dualism between themselves and the world: they see everything as essentially split into two fundamental areas—the inner world and the outer world, subjects and objects, the known and the unknown, the dangerous and the safe, and so forth. This sharp split between themselves as subjects and the rest of the world as objects has tremendous ramifications throughout their entire lives.

Problems with Detachment and Phobia

When they are healthy, Fives do not have to detach themselves from the environment because they feel secure and confident enough to fully participate in the world around them. Because they are interacting with the environment, their observations are accurate and balanced. But as they deteriorate down the Continuum toward unhealth, their perceptions become more intensely focused on what seems to be threatening and dangerous in the environment. As a result of their preoccupation with fear and darkness, their mental world becomes filled with anxiety. Ironically, however, the more fearful Fives become, the more compelled they feel to ponder the very things that terrify them.

In the end, since they invariably focus on what is threatening, Fives turn their terrifying projections into their only reality, and in so doing, turn their minds against themselves, literally scaring themselves out of their minds. They become completely defenseless against the environment which they find supremely dangerous because their minds have made it so. They become so phobic—and their sense of capability becomes so fragile—that it is extraordinarily difficult for them to function or turn to anyone for help. Yet, unless deteriorating Fives can reach out to someone, they have few ways of getting back in touch with reality.

If they live like this for long, their thought processes become so delusional and terrifying that they must separate themselves not just from the world but even from their own thoughts. Neurotic Fives become schizoid, unconsciously splitting themselves off from their teeming minds so that they can continue to live. Their reality has become hellish: dark, painful, and without hope. Recoiling in horror, they retreat into emptiness—and yet more horror.

(from Personality Types, p. 174-180)


ted haggard news


video clip of ted from the "jesus camp" movie


ted haggard speaking about the family


voicemail that ted supposedly left his drug connection


Part of Ted's letter being read at church

ufo's: Do they exist, and what are they?

Many theories exist as to what ufo's are. electromagnetic lights in the sky. delsions. secret government projects. angels. demons. estra-terrestrial's. etc. Here are a couple of interesting links if you'd like to dig deeper.

the disclosure project 2 hour video testimony of high-ranking government and military officials with top-secret clearance as to what they have personally witnessed.
the bible/ufo connection lots of data attempting to correlate the bible's description of how God reveals himself with reports of ufo activity.

Julian Beever's sidewalk art

this guy draws stuff on the sidewalk with chalk that ends up looking very real and multi-dimensional. really mind bending. Remember... it's FLAT!!




For more examples go to his site: http://users.skynet.be/J.Beever/pave.htm

November 1, 2006

discovering your ip address



in the box below you will see your ip address displayed. (not the box above. that's an example.)





if the box above is not visible, click here to discover your ip address: http://www.ipaddressworld.com

Unfortunately, windows does not provide an easy way to see what your ip address is, which can be really frustrating when you need it for some technical reason. So, you can always come here to see it in the box above, or click on that web address.

Most internet service providers use "dynamically" assigned ip addresses now which means that just because you know your ip address now, it can be different next time you use your computer. So anytime it is required for you to know it for some reason, you'll have to check here again.

if you want to save this post (for future reference) go to the following link and then save it in your favorites. http://thedoanzone.blogspot.com/2006/11/discovering-your-ip-address.html