December 29, 2006

The long wait is finally over!!


For those of you who have been praying night and day for a way to find out when i have posted something new, your prayers have been answered!!

Simply enter your email address in the field under "email subscription" and click "subscribe me!

Your name won't go on any lists or spam and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Give it a try!

December 28, 2006

what happens to your brain when speaking in "tongues"?


If you speak in an unknown language you may be interested to find out what changes happen in your brain while you are doing it.

The university of pennsylvania says it finds less "frontal lobe" activity (the area having to do with "willful control") in people when they are speaking in "tongues" than when they are not, seeming to validate the subjective feeling of not being in control of the speech.

To read the full scientific report go here. http://www.pas.rochester.edu/~tim/introframe/tongues.pdf

December 25, 2006

Grow your ministry. How?


I read an article recently entitled "7 keys to growing your ministry." It was what I consider to be fairly typical MBA verbiage in Christian veneer. Like, "Define your taget," or "Describe your future."

What follows are comments about the article by a guy named Mack and me. What do you think?

by Mack (not verified) on December 18, 2006 - 10:16am
Excellent List – when all these things are in line and or aware of all you need is the willingness and acceptance of the power of the Holy Spirit to accomplish anything.
reply

by doug (not verified) on December 20, 2006 - 7:39pm
The first comment written by "Mack" sums up the subtle weakness that is inherent in this approach...

"Once you have these things in place, then all you need is a little Holy Spirit good luck, and BAM!! You've got yourself a growing ministry."

Ironically, the early church (often used as the poster-child of church growth and mega-churches in general) had never been trained in these 7 keys. They were simply unschooled fisherman who knew Jesus and were filled with the Holy Spirit. Growth happend suddenly and spontaneously and with supernatural power.

What a difference from now... when our focus is on growth not God, strategies not prayer, and more bodies in the pews rather than preaching an uncompromising message. I'm not sure that Peter was preaching a seeker-friendly message on that famous day when so many were saved.
I, like Paul, say that if some are saved through this largely human effort, glory to God. However, do we really need to settle for this? Are we really nothing more than IBM with a spiritual slant? Do we need Christian "Peter Druckers" to tell us how to make it happen?

I am afraid that much of our church programs and efforts and good works will be burned as wood, hay, and stubble on the last day.

Generally speaking, living things grow. (At least when they're young.) However, the inverse of that is not necessarily true. Because something is growing does not mean it's alive. You can add as many bones as you want to a skeleton and it still doesn't bring it to life.

Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy.
reply

by Mack (not verified) on December 23, 2006 - 11:40am
Doug - The early church was a frightened hiding group until the Holy Spirit came upon them. If you have prayed and believe all of those things in the list are in line and you step out in faith believing the Holy Spirit is leading you what ever happens all things will work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His will. What is it you want to substitute for the Holy Spirit?
reply

by doug (not verified) on December 25, 2006 - 4:57am
I wasn't saying the Holy Spirit needs substitution. I was saying that we have substituted other things for the Holy Spirit. Too much of the church has put their faith in the right "strategies" versus the power of God.

It's the priority I am most concerned about. Do we seek the best strategies and then ask God to bless them? Or do we seek God and let the strategies be born of him.

I'm all for innovation. But wHere are we really putting our trust? How much time do we spend in prayer and fasting for the power of God to fall versus adopting whatever the latest corporate marketing or management theory happens to be.

I think the church can easily become more American than Christian.
reply

December 9, 2006

lock 'em up


Most industrialized western countries have about 100 citizens behind bars for every 100,000 population.

The United States has 737 citizens jailed per 100,000 population (7 times as many). We have 5% of the world's population and 1/4 of all the people incarcerated in the world.

Why? Do we have that many more criminals?

Is our penal system working?

Is it successful as retribution or punishment?

Is it successful as a deterrent?

Is it successful at reform or rehabilitation?

Is it making society safer?

2 million of the 7 million incarcerated are locked up for non-violent drug related charges. These folks are clogging up the justice system. Does this make sense?

Judges who might otherwise give lighter sentences due to circumstantial factors have their hands tied by mandatory minimum sentencing laws. Does this make sense?

Is sentencing someone to life in prison without the possibility of parole more humane than killing them?

hmmm...

Here's an example of craziness... Richard Paey

tabs tabs tabs


If you use Internet Explorer and have not yet upgraded to version 7.0, do it! It's well worth it if only for the ability to navigate between several pages using tabs at the top of the page vs having to have multiple "windows" open.

This "tab" feature has been available in other browsers for awhile, and it's good that Internet Explorer is catching up...

It also allows you to choose from among several search engines when you search, or even add your own search site. I really like that.

To download the latest version, go here http://www.microsoft.com/windows/ie/downloads/default.mspx



On another tab note, if you use Yahoo for your email, you can navigate through several emails at the same time using the same page-tab method. You need to switch to the Yahoo Mail Beta though. I use it, even though it still has a few bugs that need worked out. When you're on your regular yahoo mail page look for the option that says "switch to the yahoo mail beta." Don't worry, if you end up not liking it, you can just click on something that says "switch back." It's really that simple.

December 8, 2006

imagine...


What if President Bush listened to all the recommendations he’s currently getting about Iraq and then spent time in silence and meditation and prayer and listened to God? And what if he emerged from silence and wrote an open letter to the Iraqi people? Maybe something like this…

Dear friends,

In our country we are about to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. We believe that God sending his son into this imperfect world was the ultimate act of love.

When Jesus was unjustly arrested in the middle of the night, one of his followers drew his sword and began to fight, cutting off a man's ear. Jesus admonished him saying, "Put your sword back in its place, for all who draw the sword will die by the sword." He then healed the enemy’s ear.

I want to confess that we as a country have not lived by the example of Jesus. I take responsibility for that. I am sorry. We are sorry.

Our money says, “In God we trust.” Our actions say "in money and in democracy and in the military we trust."

I am sorry that we invaded your country. Although we were very upset about the attack on our country, our reaction was overblown. We acted too hastily. Your country was not responsible for that attack, and there was little to no credible evidence that you posed any imminent danger to us. We were afraid. We were gung-ho. I was determined to protect my people. Our invasion was brash, unwise, ill-founded.

It’s true that I was acting like the proverbial cowboy, traveling the world, guns blazing, ready to sniff out and snuff out all the bad guys. I took it upon myself to be the savior of the world. Or at least be the savior of the United States and our form of politics, economy, and religion.

Because your leader had done bad things did not give us the right to rush in and turn your country upside-down. That showed an arrogant lack of boundaries on our part. And the longer we stayed in your country the more I tried to come up with valid reasons for us being there. I wanted to save face.

To be honest, there were many reasons why we came and did what we did.

  • One was because I thought I was honoring my father’s legacy. It always bothered me that we had won the Gulf War but Sadaam had stayed in power. I wanted to finish the job.
  • Another reason was because we had not been able to find Osama Bin Laden and I needed our military to do something to show that we were still leading the world in the war against terror. It served as a great diversion.
  • We are horribly dependent on oil from the middle east. I thought that anything I could do to gain more U.S. presence and influence in that part of the world was in our best interest. Frankly, if the Arab world really wanted to bring us down they would just need to turn off the “faucet” and we would be brought to our knees in short order.
In truth, we have conducted our own form of jihad. We have set out to destroy anything and anyone that threatened us and our way of political, religious, and economic life. And we felt justified in toppling your governments in order to establish a government that mimicked our own.

Many of my people, and many people across the globe, were able to see these things long before I was. I thought I had done the right thing. And part of the character of a great leader is to stay the course in the midst of lots of criticism. But a truly great leader is to admit when he is wrong and makes it right. Until now, my pride has prevented me from looking honestly at the complete situation. I also felt stuck, thinking that once we had gone in that we were obligated to stay, ad nauseum. And I also wanted to appear resolute for the sake of our troops, who have served so bravely and admirably in the midst of a very difficult situation.

We are sorry. Profoundly sorry. We were wrong. Any positive effects that have come from our presence in your country do not justify what we did. The end does not justify the means. Nothing will ever make up for the chaos that our presence has ignited. So many of you have suffered so much. We humbly ask for your forgiveness.

Here is what we will do to demonstrate repentance, and to try and recompense you for what you have endured.

  • We will immediately withdraw all military troops.
  • For 3 years (as long as we have been there so far) we will be available to help you rebuild your country, if you want us to. It will be by your invitation only.
  • Any civilian who was injured, or who lost a family member during this conflict will be entitled to emmigrate to the U.S. and receive immediate citizenship, if they so choose. If they choose to stay in Iraq we will give them $10,000.
  • As much money as we have spent so far in this military campaign will now be given to your government to use as they see fit.

We give you back your country. We will go home.

As the leader of this “Christian” nation I pledge to spend the last two years of my presidency helping us be just that. Christ-like. We owe it to you. We owe it to ourselves. We owe it to him.

Sincerely,

George W. Bush
President
United States of America


Imagine…

ever feel stuck and out of options?



maybe you need to think again?

staying warm in florida


last winter i decided to challenge myself to go all winter without turning on the heat. I succeeded, except for once when my son who was unaware of my neurosis, turned on the heat in the middle of the night. Oh well...

I'm determined to do it again this year. Last night it got down to 30 outside, maybe lower. I think i heard it was a record low. However, inside i don't think it got below 58, so no problem. I live in a brick apartment building, and they just put in new double-pane windows, so i think i have pretty good insulation.

I find the cold down here different than up north. Mainly because when it is cold here there usually is no wind. What a difference. I can handle 30 if there's no wind. The last winter i was up north i about died because it was below freezing for 6 weeks in a row, and the wind living on the seacoast of new hampshire was at times ferocious, and wet... Brrrrrr.... i get ptsd just thinking about it.

Overall i'm pretty much of a weather wimp. Mainly with warm and humid or cold and windy. Cool i can handle pretty well. I wear shorts almost all year here, even when others are all bundled up. i must look like a tourist.

December 6, 2006

my fav radio programs and personalities




This list includes shows that I like, but don't necessarily agree with. I include them because of their quality, or information, or weirdness, or creativity, or shock value, or whatever.

In other words, if I'm flipping through the channels and land on one of these, I'm probably going to listen to it...


New Life Live: The best Christian call-in counseling and advice program out there.

radio home page
online archive

Michael Savage

Michael Savage home page
Wikipedia article on Michael Savage

Laura Ingraham

Laura Ingraham home page
Wikipedia article on Laura Ingraham

Kim Komando

Kim Komando Kim has a weekly show with lots of tips and tricks for computer and gadget users. Very helpful.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Komando

Clark Howard

Clark Howard Another helpful show with lots of practical tips primarily about finance, and technology. His web site has lots of great links, cateogorized by topic, about half way down the home page.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clark_Howard

Bob Larson

http://www.boblarson.org/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Larson

Science Friday

http://www.sciencefriday.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Science_Friday

Family Life Today

http://www.familylife.com/fltoday/

Coast to Coast

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coast_to_Coast_AM

A Prairie Home Companion

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prairie_Home_Companion
http://prairiehome.publicradio.org/

All things considered

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_Things_Considered
http://www.npr.org/templates/rundowns/rundown.php?prgId=2

Car talk

http://www.cartalk.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Car_Talk

Fresh Air

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fresh_Air
http://www.npr.org/templates/rundowns/rundown.php?prgId=13

talk of the nation

http://www.npr.org/templates/rundowns/rundown.php?prgId=5
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk_of_the_Nation

wait wait don't tell me

http://www.npr.org/programs/waitwait/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wait_wait_don%27t_tell_me

whad'ya know?

http://www.notmuch.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Feldman%27s_Whad%27Ya_Know%3F

Lander in the morning

http://www.mix985.com/pages/139666.php

Don Imus

http://imusblog.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don_Imus

John Tesh

http://www.tesh.com/ittrium/visit?path=A1x97x1y1xa5x1x76y1x3e70x1x65
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Tesh_Radio_Show

Dave Ramsey

http://www.daveramsey.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_ramsey

David Brudnoy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Brudnoy
http://www.wbz.com/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=57336

childhood memories


a friend of mine wrote out some childhood memories on her blog and i replied with some of mine. Well, i kept writing and writing and writing... So I thought i would share it here. Enjoy!

-----------------------------

i lived on my bike, as did everyone else. we spent lots of hours exploring the woods and fields and having bb gun fights and ice skating in bitter cold and playing football with way too much violence and way too little protection.

we had a barn with a rope that hung down from the pulley at the peak. we put our foot in the loop at the bottom, grabbed tightly to the rope, and pushed ourselves off the second story hay mow ledge to swing out the door on the other side of the barn. (my little sister broke her arm when she fell off once.)

you could tell who was really a christian by who went to church on sunday NIGHT. and the most holy huddled at Wednesday prayer meeting where we knelt on the floor and put our faces into the pew we had just been sitting on. (pew is the correct terminology!) "Altar calls" to get the sinners saved and the christians sanctified capped every service. We used hymnals, and memorized most of the king james bible. When the living bible paraphrase came out we could finally understand what the bible was trying to say.

i listened to many LP's with music or stories or comedy. We had a whole bunch of bible stories by ethyl barrett on 45’s, and they were see-through red! i had a small reel-to-reel tape recorder which i sang into or interviewed people with or pretended to be on the radio.

when we got a super 8 movie camera life was good. When people would visit we would turn off the lights, drag out the projector and screen and delight them with silent movies of our wonderful family antics. The most fun was to play it in reverse, after we watched it all forward. At least it was better than watching hours of slides my grandfather took, mainly of flowers!

taxes were too high, the price of electricity was outrageous, and inflation was on everyone's lips. when the price of gas got to be $1 the end of the world was clearly near. We went out to eat when McDonald’s had the 10 hamburgers for a dollar special going.

the communists were hell-bent on taking over our country and our freedom and our religion, so we ducked under our desks from time to time so we would be prepared for their bombs.

our 63 impala was as long as a boat, but rode like a dream. we never used seat belts, stood up on the front seat and looked out the window, and on trips we would sleep on the back floor or the back window ledge. humans filled your gas tank, checked your oil, washed your windows, and then gave you green stamps to boot! some days were special because you got double stamps.

having family dinner together every night was not a question. What else would you do?

the god-hating atheist madeline murray o'hare was out to take God out of the pledge of allegiance, off the money, and anything else she could get her hands on. and we hated her for it.

everyone smoked everywhere. offices, restaurants, elevators, hospitals, movie theaters, planes, busses, trains, home, car, on tv shows, movies... even in the church parking lot (if you were baptist or catholic).

nikes, converse, addidas, and pumas were the footwear to have, and wranglers, levis, lees, and calvin Klein, and jordache were the jeans to have.

we listened to the christian radio staion 24/7, with a mixture of children’s programs, bible study programs, doctor dobson, and "music for dining" from 6 to 8 pm (string arrangements of familiar hymns or other christian songs)

when cars crashed people usually got hurt badly or died. car tires could be counted on to blow once or twice during every vacation. planes were used only by the rich and famous.

in phys ed you could throw balls at people and actually TRY to hit them. And if you couldn’t run fast or climb a rope all the way to the ceiling, or do 10 chin-ups you got a bad grade. Being fat was not considered a disability.

nobody took ritalin or prozac. nothing was sugar-free, or salt-free, or fat-free, or caffeine free. why would anyone want that?

woman actually used recipes and cookbooks. if their hair was curly, they left it that way. if it was straight, they left it that way (except for very special occasions.) the daring dabbled with Clairol home-color kits.

boys took shop and girls took home ec.

no cell phones, ipods, skateboards, roller blades (only roller skates) video games (until atari came out), cds, dvds, computers, internet, vcr’s, tivo. if you wanted to watch a tv show you had to watch it when it was on or you lost your chance. if you wanted to see a movie you had to go to the theater while it was playing. if you wanted to see it again... tough.

backpacks were only used by mountain climbers and we seldom brought home many books from school. My mom had 3 dishwashers... me and my two sisters.

some fun toys were "klackers" and yo-yos and caps and cats in the cradle string and easy-bake oven and making creepy crawlers with dangerously hot metal molds and toxic plastic goop.

i spent hours reading our set of "snoopy" books, encyclopedias, and childcraft books. (yes i'm a geek)

We climbed trees way too high. We spent hours driving the lawn mower, or tractor, or our old vw bus, or motorcycle around the fields.

We had fun at Halloween and didn’t worry too much about evil spirits, or needles in the candy apples or popcorn balls.

Spanking with a belt on a bare butt was not considered child abuse.

The introduction of the microwave helped make hot dogs, popcorn, and leftovers become staples.

The speed limit was reduced to 55 mph so it took several hours to get anywhere.

We looked forward to Friday nights: The brady bunch and the partridge family. We looked forward to Saturday nights: Emergency. Other shows of note were chips, the munsters, the mod squad, bewitched, gilligan’s island, the courtship of eddie’s father, lost in space, the price is right, password, match game, star trek, and hogan’s heros. There were lots of shows and movies about cowboys and Indians, and nobody got offended.

Man finally landed on the moon and we were therefore blessed with the new delicacies of “space food sticks” and tang.

Long hair, bell-bottoms, stripes, and paisley were in.

The rules for what was appropriate to do on Sunday gradually changed over the years, but at the height of restriction the following things were taboo, and were cause to question someone’s relationship with the Lord…
Watching tv
Doing homework
Listening to non-christian music
Playing outside
Buying anything, including gas
Going to a restaurant
Working
Anything except eating, sleeping, visiting people, and going to church

I could go on and on… but I suppose that’s enough for you to have a taste of my childhood. Bring back memories??

December 3, 2006

what's in a name...


Dear Children,

It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of this season. Maybe you've forgotten that I wasn't actually born during this time of the year and that it was some of your predecessors who decided to celebrate My birthday on what was actually a time of pagan festival - although I do appreciate being remembered anytime.

How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

Now, having said that let me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put a small Nativity scene on your own front law. If all my followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town.

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can and may remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish. I actually spoke of that in a teaching explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks are. If you have forgotten, look up John 15:1-8.

If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth, here is My wish list. Choose something from it.

1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way my birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know because they tell Me all the time.

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.

3. Instead of writing George complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year? Then follow up. It will be nice hearing from you again.

4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.

5. Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take his or her own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile: it could make the difference.

7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families.

8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary, especially one who takes My love and good news to those who have never heard My name. You may already know someone like that.

9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any present to give or receive. If you don't know them (and I suspect you don't) buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Marines, the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me. They will make the delivery for you.

10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of Mine.

Love,

Jesus

P.S. Don't forget, I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above, then get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those who you love and remember...


I LOVE YOU.

olivia's baptism



I had the privilege of baptising one of my daughters this morning. Her name is Olivia and she is 13.

If you'd like to watch the video, here it is... You may have to click on the triangle 2 times before it starts playing...




November 27, 2006

my fav 70's music

random songs i like from the 70's... click the play button (twice, usually) to hear them.

If you find one that doesn't belong in the 70's decade, post a comment for me. Also, if any of these songs doesn't seem to work anymore, let me know. Thanks.

Carole King's voice has a raw, authentic quality to it. this tune is hauntingly sad and evokes the emotion of longing. This is "so far away."



another sad Carole King song. "It's too late" about lost love gone past the point of recovery.


Straight-ahead heavily-processed guitar rock by boston. "More than a feeling." if this doesn't get your blood pumping by the end, you're dead.



"Don't look back" by boston. Good time, high-energy rock with plenty of harmony. this song got blasted a lot from the dorm rooms during my freshman year in college. (says a little about my age!)



"foreplay" and "long time" by boston. An 8 minute romp into theater organ, synthesized guitars, throbbing drums, and screaching and soaring vocals.



understated fun rock by the eagles, "the long run." try not to tap your toes...



"hotel california." the eerie ballad by the eagles that everyone sings to but no one has any idea what it means. and it went for an unbelievable 6 1/2 minutes. unheard of on radio in the 70's.



"Best of my love" by the eagles. acoustic love song. good for slow dancing.



"witchy woman" by the eagles. i don't know if she was really witchy, but from the sound of the music she was at least spooky!



"take it easy" by the eagles. enough said.




"juke box hero" by foreigner. the anthem for every rock star wannabee...



hauntingly beautiful love song by foreigner. "waiting for a girl like you"



"i want to know what love is." a sad love song by foreigner.



elton john: i guess that's why they call it the blues



the police: roxanne



elton john: benny and the jets



billy joel: piano man



billy joel: vienna



billy joel: only the good die young



billy joel: new york state of mind



bee gees: night fever



bee gees: too much heaven



bee gees: how deep is your love



bee gees: stayin alive



bread: if a picture paints 1,000 words



bread: lost without your love



aerosmith: dream on



aerosmith: sweet emotion



aerosmith: walk this way



u2: new years day



u2: sunday bloody sunday



u2: where the streets have no name



u2: still haven't found what i'm looking for



simon and garfunkel: the sound of silence



simon and garfunkel: i am a rock



simon and garfunkel: feelin' groovy



simon and garfunkel: scarborough fair



pink floye: money



pink floyd: we don't need no education



chicago: you're the inspiration



chicago: hard to say im sorry



rolling stones: i can't get no satisfaction



rolling stones: you can't always get what you want



james taylor: how sweet it is to be loved by you



james taylor: smilin' face



james taylor: you've got a friend



james taylor: carolina in my mind



james taylor: fire and rain



carly simon: nobody does it better



bob dylan: like a rolling stone



bob dylan: blowin' in the wind



sonny and cher: i got you babe



michael jackson: beat it



michael jackson: i want to rock with you



michael jackson: billy jean



michael jackson: never can say good-bye



michael jackson: don't stop till you get enough



neil sedaka: laughter in the rain



queen: killer queen



queen: we will rock you/ we are the champions



queen: bohemian rhapsody



queen: somebody to love



queen: crazy little thing called love



genesis: i can't dance



genesis: follow me



the captain and tenille: love will keep us together



earth wind and fire: september



earth wind and fire: after the love is gone



earth wind and fire: fantasy



the carpenters: rainy days and mondays





more to come...

November 22, 2006

huge explosion near my old job


for 10 years i worked at a group home for adults with mental illness in danvers, mass. When i heard the news this morning that there was a huge explosion in danvers i looked up the address and found that it was 1/4 mile from that home. Right around the corner.

I have not been able to reach any of my old friends who still work there, but there are no reports of death or serious injury. It's hard to imagine that there wouldn't be damage to the home though. i'll keep you posted here.

"A" is where the explosion was, "B" is where the group home is.

Here is the news story http://www.wbur.org/news/2006/62619_20061122.asp

UPDATE: One of my old pals at the home told me that the house will be uninhabitable for some time and all the employees have been temporarily assigned to other programs. He also said that 5 residents are missing. Not because they were blown up though... they just decided to take off, lol.

UPDATE: November 26th. Email from assistant program director...

"The house is condemned by FEMA and just by luck no one was seriously injured. The house has huge holes in the roof, the windows all blown in, including the frames, and furniture , blown around. A temp staff from Delta T was on duty and luckily was on the couch , head by the book shelf-says if was the other way around probably would not be alive. If someone was sitting at the desk the program director says they would have been killed!!! The emergency squads came by to evacuate and told everyone to get out and basically run for their lives, which they did. Apparently they thought there was a possibility of another explosion, with so many fumes in the air. Long story short, we had to find our clients and relocate them- and we have to find another site. "

Here's some amateur video taken that night. Beware of rough language of bystanders...

November 20, 2006

November 16, 2006

coach doug mentioned on the air

12/06/06

Steve was trying to help a trucker find ways to get help with their crazy schedule and being on the road so much. He mentioned that we had started coaching groups with great counselors like Doug Doan.

If you're itching to hear it, go here. The relevant part starts about half way through minute 41. It will only be available until 01/06/07 (unless you download it).


11/30/06

Steve Arterburn read an email on New Life Live from someone who had attended the workshop in Ocean City, MD last month. They mentioned that they had gotten a lot out of being in Coach Doug's Tuesday night Lose it for Life coaching group prior to going to the workshop. wooo hooo I guess that's my 15 minutes of fame...

For those of you itching to hear it, go here.

You can skip ahead to 2:20 (minute:second) to hear the start of the email being read. I think it will be available until about December 30th (unless you download it before then).

PS The picture is of Steve, not me! :)


oneplace.com - click here to listen


Oneplace.com has New Life Live broadcasts going back 30 days. They are free to listen to, or to download as an mp3 file for ipod, etc. On each day they have listed what the topics were that people had called in about. Great program...

It has a lot of other Christian programs as well.

November 15, 2006

homesick



i want to go home.

I don't belong here. I don't fit. something's wrong. I feel like an alien and a stranger and a foreigner in this world.

Don't get me wrong. My life is good. Very good. And I'm grateful.

But i don't belong here.

When i have experiences of God, the divine, the supernatural... it reminds me of where i belong, where i really want to be. and i am reminded how this world just doesn't fit me very well.

There's an old Second Chapter of Acts song that has been going through my head lately.

Goin' Home

Goin' home
I'm always goin' home inside
There's an ache in my heart that I can't bear

Take me home
Take my hand
And lead me home oh Lord
I'm so broken up inside
I need to hide in your love
In your hand

So take me home...

I'm not saying you don't give me joy
I just need more of you
How I love you
And I want to be changed just like you

So take me home...

Help me wait on you lord
Until the day you come
All my ways need a grave
So that I can rise with you when you come

To take me home...


Another song with a similar theme is by the group Petra. Here is part of it.

Not of this world

We are pilgrims in a strange land
We are so far from our homeland
With each passing day it seems so clear
This world will never want us here


We're not welcome in this world of wrong
We are foreigners who don't belong
We are strangers, we are aliens
We are not of this world


Hebrews 11

Even when [Abraham] reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith—for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. And so did Isaac and Jacob, who inherited the same promise. Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God.

All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth. Obviously people who say such things are looking forward to a country they can call their own. If they had longed for the country they came from, they could have gone back. But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland. That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

November 12, 2006

switchfoot at freebird live

why is this picture significant??


well it's probably not unless you're a fan of Switchfoot!! Because that's me holding on to Jon Foreman, the lead singer of switchfoot, to keep him from falling off the second floor balcony railing! lol

I took my kids to a switchfoot concert on saturday night, november 11th. It's the only band all 4 of us really like. (miracle)

In the middle of "happy is a yuppie word" he started climbing on the big speakers on the side of the stage and reached up toward the second floor railing and climbed over, turned around, kneeled down on the railing, and sung over the crowd! Now I happened to be in the right spot at the right time, and helped boost him up and steady him. The crowd went wild (I think for him not me... lol)

That's becca next to me. she was pushing her glasses to her nose to make sure that was really him, because she had just touched him! woo hoo

Here is a video my son Justin took with his cell phone of Jon climbing. by the end of the video you can see him reaching up for the railing and starting to go over.



Becca and i were in the balcony looking straight down onto livvy and justin, who were pressed up against the stage for the whole concert, as you can see here.

Here's some live clips of different songs done at various venues. These are not my clips.

"Gone"

Here are the lyrics...

she told him she'd rather fix her makeup
than try to fix what's going on
but the problem keeps on calling
even with the cellphone gone
she told him that she believes in living
bigger than she's living now
but her world keeps spinning backwards
and upsidedown
don't say so long

don't spend today away
cuz today will soon be

gone,

like yesterday is gone,
like history is
gone, just trying to prove me wrong
and pretend like your immortal

she said he said live like no tomorrow
every day we borrow
brings us one step closer to the edge (infinity)
where your treasure, where's your hope
forget the world and lose your soul
she pretends like she pretends like she's immortal
don't say so long
your not that far gone
this could be your big chance to makeup
today till soon be

gone, like yeterday is gone,
like history is gone,
the world keeps spinning on,
your going going gone,
like sumemr break is gone,
like saturday is gone
just trying to prove me wrong
you pretend like your immortal your immortal

we are not infinite
we are not permanate
nothing is immediate
we're so confident
in our accomplishments
look at how dark it is

gone, like Frank Sinatra
like Elvis and his mom
like AL Pichino's cash nothing lasts in this life
my highschool dreams are gone
my childhood sweets are gone
life is a day that doesn't last for long

life is more than money
time was never money
time was never cash,
life is still more than girls
life is more than hundred dollar bills
and on the town frills
life is more than fame and rock and roll and thrills
all the riches of the kings
and up in wills we got information in the information age
but do we know what life is
outside of our conveinent Lexus cages

she said he said live like no tomorrow
every moment that we borrow
brings us closer to the God who's not short of cash
hey Bono i'm glad you asked
life is still worth living, life is still worth living

"meant to live"


here are the lyrics...

Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bid for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

[Chorus]
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken

[Chorus]

We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life, yeah

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live


"Stars"


here are the lyrics...

Maybe I've been the problem
Maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself
The outcome feels the same

I've been thinking maybe I've been partly cloudy
Maybe I'm the chance of rain
And maybe I'm overcast
And maybe all my luck's washed down the drain

I've been thinking 'bout everyone,
Everyone you looks so lonely
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I see someone else
When I look at the stars
The stars, I feel like myself

Stars looking at a planet
Watching entropy and pain
And maybe to start to wonder
How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane

I've been thinking 'bout the meaning of resistance
Of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent
Begin to look like home

I've been thinking about everyone
Everyone you looks so empty
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I see someone else
When I look at the stars
The stars, I feel like myself.
Yeah!

Everyone, Everyone feels so lonely
Everyone, yeah everyone feels so empty
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I feel like myself
When I look at the stars
The stars, I see someone...

November 7, 2006

2006 election stuff

MY ANALYSIS (trying to be neutral and objective!)

  • I agree that this was a referendum on President Bush. There has been a huge pent-up frustration building with many Americans that he is not open to feedback. I think these results were meant to make him listen. An intervention, if you will... lol. It seems to have worked.
  • A spate of recent Republican scandals fueled this anger and frustration, giving energy to the discontent.
  • This was more of an anti-Bush vote than it was a pro-liberal values vote.
  • Although not necessarily an intended consequence of so many democrats winning house seats, the fact is that it makes Nancy Pelosi speaker of the house. She is staunchly liberal, and this will make for sparks between her and President Bush.
  • The Republicans had grown complacent and arrogant about being in power. When they first took control of house/senate they had a lot of energy, an agenda. For some time now they have projected the attitude... "We're right. We know it. Get used to it."
  • Having been hamstrung for so many years by not having the white house, house, or senate, the Democrates will come out swinging... probably overreacting to their new-found power. Expect dramatic legislation to be introduced quickly.

November 5, 2006

november challenge



i received such benefit from my 30-day online food journal that i was wondering if i could do somcthing similar for novemeber. Something that i stay accountable about on here. Some of my ideas are...

  • a goal for a certain amount of pounds lost during the month
  • a goal for a certain number of nights i don't eat anything after 9pm

Also, i was thinking that it would really help to have some incentive. I've been stuck at the same weight for quite awhile, and it would help to have something to reach for that would help me get some momentum again. I was thinking that i could con you to offer me rewards if i do certain things. (I find external rewards more motivating.) What could a reward be? Well, an mp3 player and a digital camera are 2 things that i want strongly enough that i would "work" for them.

Those are some of my thoughts. I intend to come up with a plan by monday. please leave me comments if you have any ideas, or if you want to participate in the "incentive program," lol.

peace

doug

UPDATE: NOVEMBER 6

Kathie P offered me one of her digital cameras she doesn't need in return for...

  • receiving her email each day telling me what she ate the day before
  • me not eating after 9pm for 10 days out of the next 30.

Now i'm looking for someone who would be willing to reward me with an mp3 player if I lose 5 pounds during the next 4 weeks.... Got one??

I will post here each day if i ate after 9 or not. I will post every monday what my weight is.

Date Weight Fat Waist hydration

nov 6 241 36% 45.5 48%

nov 13 -dang. forgot to weigh myself this morning

nov 20-forgot again... getting old?

nov 26-240.5 36% ( ) 48% my guess i had lost prior to thanksgiving and gained it back this week.

dec 4 - 239.5 36.5% ( ) 46.5 %

Did I eat after 9pm?

mon, nov 6 (1) NO-1

Tue, nov 7 (2) NO-2

wed, nov 8 (3) NO-3

thur, nov 9 (4) YES

fri, nov 10 (5) NO-4

sat, nov 11 (6) YES

sun, nov 12 (7) NO-5

mon, nov 13 (8) NO-6

tue, nov 14 (9) YES

wed, nov 15 (10) NO-7

thur, nov 16 (11) Yes

fri, nov 17 (12) NO-8

sat, nov 18 (13) Yes

sun, nov 19 (14) Yes

mon, nov 20 (15) Yes

tue, nov 21 (16) Yes

wed, nov 22 (17) NO-9

thurs, nov 23 (18) NO-10

fri, nov 24 (19) NO-11

sat, nov 25 (20) YES

sun, nov 26 (21) NO-12

mon, nov 27 (22) YES

tue, nov 28 (23) YES

wed, nov 29 (24) YES

thurs, nov 30 (25) NO-13

fri, dec 1 (26) NO-14

sat, dec 2 (27) Yes

sun, dec 3 (28) Yes

mon, dec 4 (29) NO-15

tue, dec 5 (30)

The color quiz personality test


ColorQuiz.com

"Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in ..."



This personality test uses colors only. I have posted previously about another color test, colorgenics. this test is a little different because you take the test twice (for more accurate results?) and because they ask for your gender (pinking pink if you're a girl may mean something different than if you're a boy?).

This test is not so much designed to tell you what kind of personality you have as much as how you feel about your present life circumstances. So it can change over time.

You can take the quiz for free by clicking on the "colorquiz" icon above, or by clicking here . Send me your results, or post them in a comment here if you dare!! :)

Here are my results.

Your Existing Situation

Imaginative and sensitive; seeking an outlet for these qualities--especially in the company of someone equally sensitive. Interest and enthusiasm are readily aroused by the unusual or the adventurous.

Your Stress Sources

Feels he cannot control the situation to create the sense of belonging he needs, and so remains unwilling to place himself unreservedly in another's hands. Is resisting a condition or a relationship which he regards as a discouraging responsibility. Feels like has far more to offer and is likely to remain impatient and irritable until he has obtained all he feels he still lacks. The urge to get away from this unsatisfactory state leads to restlessness and instability.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Believes that he is not receiving his share--that he is neither properly understood or adequately appreciated. Feels that he is being compelled to conform, and close relationships leave him without any sense of emotional involvement.

Very exacting in the standards he applies to his choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in his sex life.

Circumstances are forcing him to compromise, to restrain his demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things he wants.

Your Desired Objective

Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in action. Activity is directed towards success or conquest and there is a desire to live life to the fullest.

Your Actual Problem

The fear that he might be prevented from achieving the things he wants leads him to play his part with an urgent and hectic intensity.

Your Actual Problem #2

Anxiety and restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled emotional requirements, have produced stress. He tries to escape by intense activity, directed either towards personal success or towards variety of experience.

connection shamekshun


I work for a company that constantly preaches "connection."

Last year i put a lot of effort into building up my personal relationships, particularly with men. But those relationships have kind of drifted for various reasons and i find myself not wanting to put the energy into building up my connections with men again. Why? Well let me try and describe all my excuses...

  • men are boring
  • men don't have an interest in true connection. i have to chase them. i do all the work.
  • men are busy
  • men talk about stuff, and want to do stuff, that i have no interest in
  • women are much easier to get along with, and more caring
  • relationships take time and effort, and i'd rather be learning or writing
  • much of the time i am not in the mental/emotional state to focus on connecting. it takes me effort to get out of my head, and often when i have the opportunity for connection i'm too tired or too grouchy.
  • everybody i can think of connecting with annoys me in some way, and i don't want to address those issues with them. i'd rather stay away. there's no perfect friend.
  • it's always going to be more work and aggravation than its worth. the cost is too high and the benefits are too low. so why even try?
  • i'll never find anyone i can feel safe enough to share the deepest secrets and parts of my heart with.
  • there's no chance for the fun of romance in the relationship.

Is that enough excuses to get me off the hook??? can i please put this silly quest to rest?

November 3, 2006

enneagram personality type

Enneagramfree enneagram test

The enneagram is a personality classification system with 9 types. There is a simple online test you can take to discover your type, here. If you take the test I'd love to know your results! :)

My type is #5, the investigator. Here are some of the major characteristics of that type.

THE INVESTIGATOR: Overview of Type Five

The connection between genius and madness has long been debated. These two states are really poles apart, the opposite ends of the personality spectrum. The genius is someone who fuses knowledge with insight into the nature of reality, someone who has the ability to see things with utter clarity and with awe-inspiring comprehension. What separates the genius from the madman is that the genius, in addition to extraordinary insights, has the ability to see them correctly, within their context. The genius perceives patterns which are actually present, whereas the madman imposes patterns, projecting erroneous perceptions onto every circumstance. The genius may sometimes seem to be out of touch with reality, but only because he or she operates at a more profound level. The madman, however, is truly out of touch with reality, having nothing but delusions to substitute for it.

The Five is the personality type which most exemplifies these extremes. In the Five, we see the genius and the madman, the innovator and intellectual, the mildly eccentric crackpot and the deeply disturbed delusional schizoid. To understand how these widely diverse states are part of the same personality type is to understand the Five.

In the Thinking Triad

Fives are members of the Thinking Triad. Their potential problem results from the fact that they emphasize thinking over doing, becoming intensely involved with their thoughts. Fives think so much that their mental world becomes all engrossing, virtually to the exclusion of everything else. This is not to say that Fives do nothing at all, but that they are more at home in their minds, viewing the world from a detached vantage point, than they are in the world of action.

All three members of the Thinking Triad—Fives, Sixes, and Sevens—focus their attention on the world outside themselves. This may seem to contradict the statement that Fives are engrossed in their thoughts, but it actually does not. Fives focus their attention on the external world for a variety of reasons, one of the most important of which is that the material they think about comes through their sense perceptions—the accuracy of which they can never be completely sure of because they are not certain about what lies outside themselves. The only thing they know with certainty is their own thoughts. Hence, the focus of their attention is outward, on the environment while identifying with the thoughts about the environment. The source of many of their problems is their need to find out how their perceptions of the world square with reality so that they can act in it—and do things with confidence.

Problems with Security and Anxiety

Like the other two members of the Thinking Triad, average Fives tend to have problems with insecurity because they fear that the environment is unpredictable and potentially threatening. Further. they feel powerless to defend themselves against the world’s many dangers: they believe they are not capable of functioning as well as others and so make it their number one priority to acquire the skills and knowledge they feel is necessary for them to be able to operate adequately in life.

This fear of being helpless and incapable influences their behavior in significant ways. Fives believe that their resources and capacities are limited, so they respond to their anxiety by downscaling their activities and needs. The more anxious they feel, the more they minimize their needs. While this can be a sensible approach to problems at times, anxious Fives may reduce themselves to living in extremely primitive conditions in order to allay their fears of inadequacy. Naturally, given this orientation, Fives feel easily overwhelmed by others’ needs as well, and try to avoid situations in which others will expect more from them than they feel able to give. As their fears increase, Fives begin to "shrink away" from the world and from connections with others.

When Fives are healthy, they are able to observe reality as it is and are able to comprehend complex phenomena at a glance because they are participating in life and testing their perceptions. In their search for security, however, the perceptions of even average Fives tend to become skewed. Their thinking becomes more convoluted, self-referential and increasingly fueled by anxiety. As they withdraw from the world, it only heightens their fears that they cannot cope with it. Eventually, even basic living requirements seem overwhelming and frightening. And if they become unhealthy, Fives are the type of persons cut themselves off from most human contact while developing their eccentric ideas to such absurd extremes that they become obsessed with completely distorted notions about themselves and reality. Ultimately, unhealthy Fives become utterly terrified and trapped by the threatening visions which they have created in their own minds.

Their problem with anxiety, one of the issues common to the personality types of the Thinking Triad, is related to their difficulty with perceiving reality objectively. They are afraid of allowing anyone or anything to influence them or their thoughts. Because they doubt their own ability to do, they fear that others’ agendas will overwhelm them. They fear that others are more powerful than they are and will control or possess them. Ironically, however, even average Fives are not unwilling to be possessed by an idea, as long as the idea has originated with them. Nothing must be allowed to influence their thinking lest their developing sense of confidence be diminished, although by relying solely on their own ideas and perceptions, and without testing them in the real world, Fives can become profoundly out of touch with reality.

The upshot of this is that average to unhealthy Fives are uncertain whether or not their perceptions of the environment are valid. They do not know what is real and what is the product of their minds. They project their anxiety-ridden thoughts and their aggressive impulses into the environment, becoming fearful of the antagonistic forces which seem to be arrayed against them. They gradually become convinced that their peculiar and increasingly dark interpretation of reality is the way things really are. In the end, they become so terrorized that they cannot act even though they are consumed by anxiety.

The basis of their orientation to the world is thinking; personality type Five corresponds to Jung's introverted thinking type.

Introverted thinking is primarily oriented by the subjective factor....It does not lead from concrete experience back again to the object, but always to the subjective content. External facts are not the aim and origin of this thinking, though the introvert would often like to make his thinking appear so. It begins with the subject and leads back to the subject, far though it may range into the realm of actual reality....Facts are collected as evidence for a theory, never for their own sakes. (C. G. Jung, Psychological Types, 380.)

Although they correspond to Jung's introverted thinking type, Fives are perhaps more precisely characterized as a subjective thinking type because the aim of their thought is not always introverted (that is, directed toward themselves); rather, it is directed often outward toward the environment, which Fives want to understand so that they can be safer in it. The impetus for their thinking comes, as Jung says, from "the subjective factor," from their need to know about what lies outside themselves, as well as from their anxiety when they do not understand the environment. This is why thinking is the method Fives use both to fit into the world and, paradoxically, to defend themselves against it.

One of the results of the way Fives think is that even healthy Fives are not very deeply rooted in visceral experience. They are the type of people who get a great deal of intellectual mileage out of very little experience because they always find something of significance where others see little or nothing. This may lead to great discoveries. However, when they stop observing the world and focus their attention on their interpretations of it, Fives begin to lose touch with reality. Instead of keeping an open mind while they observe the world, they become too involved with their own thoughts and dreams. This leads them further away from the world of constructive action—the very arena in which their self-confidence needs to develop. They may spend a great deal of time playing around with ideas or visions of reality which have almost no practical impact on their lives, leaving them more fearful about themselves and feeling more vulnerable to the predations of the world.

Parental Orientation

As a result of their formative experiences, these children became ambivalent to both parents. Fives, like Twos and Eights, were in search of a niche within the family system, a role that they could fulfill that would win them protection and nurturance. For whatever reasons, though, they perceived that there was no place for them to fit in—that nothing they could do was wanted or needed by their family. As a result, Fives withdrew from active participation in the family to search for something that they could "bring to the table." Fives want to find something that they can do well enough to feel like an equal of others. Unlike other types, however, since Fives’ underlying fear is of being helpless and incapable, they generally look for areas of expertise that others have not already explored or exploited. In a sense, their agenda is to focus on the search for and mastery subjects and skills until they feel confident enough to "reenter" the world.

In the meantime, Fives strike a kind of bargain with their parents which carries over into all of their subsequent relationships: "Don’t ask too much of me, and I won’t ask too much of you." Fives feel that they need most of their limited time and energy to acquire the knowledge and skills that they believe will make them capable and competent. Thus, average Fives come to resent intrusions upon their space, their time, and certainly upon their persons. What for another type might feel like a comfortable distance can feel overwhelming to an average Five. he reasons for this may relate to the Five’s feeling of not having a place in the family. They may have felt crowded out or intruded upon by their parents agendas, or perhaps even literally. Their parents may have nurtured them erratically, or perhaps may have been emotionally disturbed or alcoholic or caught in a loveless marriage, and therefore not dependable sources of love and reassurance. The result is that these children become ambivalent not only toward both parents, but ambivalent toward the world.

Fives attempt to resolve their ambivalence by not identifying with anything other than their thoughts about the world outside themselves. They feel that their thoughts are "good" (that is, correct, and can be safely identified with), while outside reality is "bad" (and must therefore be vigilantly watched), so that it can be repulsed at a moment's notice. In average to unhealthy Fives, the sense of being crowded may have resulted in them feeling unsafe in their bodies. They then become profoundly detached, indifferent to physical comfort, and extremely cerebral as if the quality of their material existence was irrelevant to them. In truth, it is not, but fearful Fives are willing to jettison many comforts and even needs in order to protect the space and time they feel they need to pursue their interests—that is, those areas they are trying to master.

They continue to find their parents, the world, and other people fascinating and necessary, but Fives also feel that they must keep everything and everyone at a safe distance lest they be in danger of being overwhelmed by some outside force. Thus, from the very way they think—their "cognitive style"—Fives set up a strict dualism between themselves and the world: they see everything as essentially split into two fundamental areas—the inner world and the outer world, subjects and objects, the known and the unknown, the dangerous and the safe, and so forth. This sharp split between themselves as subjects and the rest of the world as objects has tremendous ramifications throughout their entire lives.

Problems with Detachment and Phobia

When they are healthy, Fives do not have to detach themselves from the environment because they feel secure and confident enough to fully participate in the world around them. Because they are interacting with the environment, their observations are accurate and balanced. But as they deteriorate down the Continuum toward unhealth, their perceptions become more intensely focused on what seems to be threatening and dangerous in the environment. As a result of their preoccupation with fear and darkness, their mental world becomes filled with anxiety. Ironically, however, the more fearful Fives become, the more compelled they feel to ponder the very things that terrify them.

In the end, since they invariably focus on what is threatening, Fives turn their terrifying projections into their only reality, and in so doing, turn their minds against themselves, literally scaring themselves out of their minds. They become completely defenseless against the environment which they find supremely dangerous because their minds have made it so. They become so phobic—and their sense of capability becomes so fragile—that it is extraordinarily difficult for them to function or turn to anyone for help. Yet, unless deteriorating Fives can reach out to someone, they have few ways of getting back in touch with reality.

If they live like this for long, their thought processes become so delusional and terrifying that they must separate themselves not just from the world but even from their own thoughts. Neurotic Fives become schizoid, unconsciously splitting themselves off from their teeming minds so that they can continue to live. Their reality has become hellish: dark, painful, and without hope. Recoiling in horror, they retreat into emptiness—and yet more horror.

(from Personality Types, p. 174-180)